Sometimes I need a filter between my brain and my mouth.
This is not the way to get one.

Wednesday, 11 August 2010

Dear Aunt Flo...

Dear Aunt Flo,

It's been a while since we've had a chat but I thought it was time I sat down and caught up with you.

Your arrival this afternoon was slightly unexpected and more than a little annoying. For some reason you felt it was okay to be extremely late and not call to check with me, and then you rock up on our doorstep without warning!

So I have been thinking about some ground rules that I think we can both stick to:

1. Be on time! I can't stress this enough. Be here when you're meant to, or vacate the premises and don't come back for 9 months. You have a choice.

2. Give me the heads up. Seriously, is it too much to ask for a telling twinge in the morning, BEFORE I got to work!? You're damn lucky I don't have to work back today.

3. Don't arrive when I already have enough to deal with. Because having the flu, having a toddler with the flu, packing up a house, trying to finalise settlement on a house and working full time is enough. You haven't arrived at the best time, and in actual fact, today is turning out to be an epically crappy day - and if I could turf you out on the street I would.

Overall I think it's quite clear what I need from you. And basically that is consistency and consideration. I don't think it's asking a lot for you to be reliable. You used to be, before the Toddler was born I knew down to the minute when you were going to visit. What happened!? Did Outlook crash and you've tried to make do with a diary? Because it's not working. Get the IT geek in to overhaul the system and get Outlook back online because you are driving me INSANE!!

So otherwise, how are things going with you? Did I mention I'm planning a visit from your cousin, Ovulation? I'm trying to tee something up for this month and hopefully if she visit's then you can take me off your list for a while. That should open up your schedule for everyone else you've been stuffing up with, lately.

Aunt Flo - I think you might need to take a break. So tell Ovulation and Pregnancy to get their party clothes out and come on 'round to my place - I've got cocktails and good music and they're welcome to stay as long as they like.

Take care

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