The Great Sugar Crash...

On Sunday The Man let Miss 3 have chocolate for breakfast.

She was happy, he was happy. I was unaware. Until the great sugar crash of 10am.

Holy shit, I thought armageddon had arrived (without the courtesy of notifying us all via a piece of cardboard strapped to a homeless person). It hadn't, but Miss 3 is going to be a recruit for the part where the volcanoes begin to erupt.

Needless to say, knowing that she has an easter egg hunt beginning in T-minus 4 minutes fills my soul with fear. But not enough to say she couldn't participate. It felt too bitchy to say no.

I am a chocoholic from way back. In fact, it's so well known that, when the people upstairs wanted me to type up a recorded interview, they knew not to even open their mouths without a sweet offering in their arms.

A family size box of Cadbury Favourites? Sure, I'll type up your interview. Payment required up front.

This pregnancy has seen me shy away from chocolate. I think my entire body is in some sort of shock and can't help but wonder what the hell is going on. What do you mean you feel nauseated!? It's Cadbury! EAT IT!

Miss 3 is carrying the torch for the family now. Pretty sure that means I qualify for some sort of bad parent award, but those people can kiss my arse. Alicia Silverstone chews her sons food and then lets him eat it out of her mouth.

How am I looking, now? Exactly, mother of the year.

Somehow I managed to marry someone who's not really interested in chocolate. He can take it or leave it. And this means our marriage will last a lot longer - it would be somewhat embarrassing to have to site 'can't share the last chocolate bunny' as the reason for divorce.

We all know that when people list 'irreconcilable differences', what they really want to say is 'the bastard leaves skid marks in the toilet' or 'the bitch won't let me bring my toolbox to bed.' Irreconcilable differences saves the risk of the judge pissing themselves laughing and secretly leaking the details via Twitter so we can all laugh, too.

But we're totally laughing with them. And at Kim Kardashian.

However, this is about Easter and the beginning of things. The beginning of a 4 day weekend full of chocolate. The beginning of people storing food like chipmunks in winter because the shops are shut FOR A WHOLE DAY and we might all perish by Saturday morning. The beginning of 10 days off work for me, because I can - and my manager was silly enough to approve the leave.

Regardless of how you spend Easter, make it a safe and happy time. If this means you have fish and salad for dinner tomorrow, kudos. If it means you're putting a lamb, a pig and a cow on a spit in the back yard with roast potatoes and beer, I'm coming to your place.

Soar with the chocolate high's, and lock the kids outside when the sugar levels begin to drop.

Happy Easter...

Back in the Saddle...

Well, not literally. The last time I tried to get in a saddle, I got half way up and then my leg decided to fail. Cue humiliating face plant with foot still in the stirrup. I'm actually back in the desk chair.

I've fallen off that, too.

Today, I feel like I should be mainlining coffee. Have you ever had one of those crappy night's sleep where you toss, you turn, you flatten the pillow, you fluff it, you poke the husband to stop snoring, you can't sleep without the snoring, you place the pillow over his face to create snoring...a never ending saga of actions that get you no closer to sleep?

I refer to it as a foreboding sense of doom. Like when you know you have to go to the dentist to have work done but you know damn well they'll have run out of happy gas and the nice dentist will have gone home with a headache and you have to see the Sweeney Todd dentist.

Fuck - coming back to work after a long holiday is worse than being hungover. It's worse than being hungover and waking to find the cat has shit on your pillow.

So here I am, 4pm on day 1 of being back at work and I feel like I haven't had a holiday in 10 years. It's like I never left.

Clearly, I need a break.

Image Credit

Taking it Easy...

Sorry it's been a little slow around these parts - wrapping things up at work before my annual leave took a lot more of my time than I actually thought it would.

Some may say that I might not have had so much to finish off, had I blogged a little less and worked a little more. But I'm at the close of Annual Leave Day 1 - and so I don't actually care right now.

I've spent the day doing nothing, only getting dressed to go to my parents house for dinner and the most I did around the house was turn on the dishwasher. I'm not even sure the dishes in there were actually dirty - but it gave me a sense of pride so I'm not going to worry about the details.

I'm catching up on my recorded episodes of 'One Born Every Minute' and 'Dr Quinn: Medicine Woman'. Yes, I love Dr Quinn, and no I'm not ashamed. I can't hear your snorts of laughter, so it's all good.

But the main message of this is to say I'm going to be taking it easy. Since I lost my iPhone I've had a forced withdrawal from Twitter and blogging and all the other things I used too obsessively check previously, and I think it's been good for me.

So for the next 5 weeks my priority is going to be my family and doing the things together that we want to. And believe me, we have plenty to do.

I have baking to be done - and even if I didn't enjoy baking I'd be forced to, because our chickens have started laying about 6-8 eggs PER DAY. That's a shit load of egg's! I can't give them away fast enough so the only other solution I can think of is to become a the Betty Crocker of Darwin.

And when I'm not baking, I'll be tackling the tropical jungle that is our pain in the arse garden. Goodbye palm trees. Goodbye pointless, unidentifiable shrubbery. Goodbye horrible paving and hello to the garden of my dreams! Hopefully we'll also get the grass mowed and I won't have to take a cut lunch and water bag to get to the letter box.

We'll be restoring the pool to a habitable state, safe for human activity. Because if the pool pump doesn't go in this week with enough chlorine and salt to bleach the earth, I will loose my shit. $700 and endless waiting for the pool man to declare it safe only for the bloody pump to blow up and the new one not fit the existing pipelines has made me very upset. I'm sick of looking out our bedroom window only to see a cesspool. Although it does match the state of the garden. Ahem.

The chickens will be relocating to a penned area in the back yard. Because they've developed a love of roosting on the stairs. And I don't love having to wear my wellies to get down the stairs. Getting to the clothes line has become a daily game of chance - and my chances of not ending up stepping in chicken shit is getting less by the minute so they won't be as free rage as I had originally planned.

But it's not a bad thing - it's getting to the point where they're bigger than the cats. And that's fine, until I have to catch them and then I realise that the bigger they get the sooner they'll eat me in my sleep. The pen is, therefore, for my safety, too.

Otherwise it'll just be filled with shopping and visits to the park and Christmas and New Year and then a certain little girl's 3rd birthday.

I'm still slightly in denial about that. I'm not ready to have a 3 year old. Because that mean's I'll have to turn 28 shortly after. And I'll be honest - any age after 25 just wasn't in my life plan. It would mean our daughter would never be older then 13 months, but I was, and still am, totally okay with that. The older she get's, the more it reminds me of the ever growing age gap between her and the elusive second child we want.

Fertility is a bitch - she's not getting a Christmas card this year. There are lots off bloggy babies due in 2012, and I'd like ours to be one of them. But I'm finding myself getting cranky (again!) that it's not happening and I don't want to be the bitch who can't be happy for other people's wonderful news - so it's a sign that I need to take a step back and chill out.

Who knows, maybe all the things we've got going over the next 2 months will be a good distraction and we might get that 2012 baby after all.

And if not, I have an internal wall that's coming down so I'll be able to vent with a hammer.

I'll be popping in now and then to update as I feel like it, but regular programming might not return until 2012.

So to you and your families I wish all the best for a fabulous Christmas and a safe and happy New Year.