She was happy, he was happy. I was unaware. Until the great sugar crash of 10am.
Holy shit, I thought armageddon had arrived (without the courtesy of notifying us all via a piece of cardboard strapped to a homeless person). It hadn't, but Miss 3 is going to be a recruit for the part where the volcanoes begin to erupt.
Needless to say, knowing that she has an easter egg hunt beginning in T-minus 4 minutes fills my soul with fear. But not enough to say she couldn't participate. It felt too bitchy to say no.
I am a chocoholic from way back. In fact, it's so well known that, when the people upstairs wanted me to type up a recorded interview, they knew not to even open their mouths without a sweet offering in their arms.
A family size box of Cadbury Favourites? Sure, I'll type up your interview. Payment required up front.
This pregnancy has seen me shy away from chocolate. I think my entire body is in some sort of shock and can't help but wonder what the hell is going on. What do you mean you feel nauseated!? It's Cadbury! EAT IT!
Miss 3 is carrying the torch for the family now. Pretty sure that means I qualify for some sort of bad parent award, but those people can kiss my arse. Alicia Silverstone chews her sons food and then lets him eat it out of her mouth.
How am I looking, now? Exactly, mother of the year.
Somehow I managed to marry someone who's not really interested in chocolate. He can take it or leave it. And this means our marriage will last a lot longer - it would be somewhat embarrassing to have to site 'can't share the last chocolate bunny' as the reason for divorce.
We all know that when people list 'irreconcilable differences', what they really want to say is 'the bastard leaves skid marks in the toilet' or 'the bitch won't let me bring my toolbox to bed.' Irreconcilable differences saves the risk of the judge pissing themselves laughing and secretly leaking the details via Twitter so we can all laugh, too.
But we're totally laughing with them. And at Kim Kardashian.
However, this is about Easter and the beginning of things. The beginning of a 4 day weekend full of chocolate. The beginning of people storing food like chipmunks in winter because the shops are shut FOR A WHOLE DAY and we might all perish by Saturday morning. The beginning of 10 days off work for me, because I can - and my manager was silly enough to approve the leave.
Regardless of how you spend Easter, make it a safe and happy time. If this means you have fish and salad for dinner tomorrow, kudos. If it means you're putting a lamb, a pig and a cow on a spit in the back yard with roast potatoes and beer, I'm coming to your place.
Soar with the chocolate high's, and lock the kids outside when the sugar levels begin to drop.
Happy Easter...
