Sometimes I need a filter between my brain and my mouth.
This is not the way to get one.

Thursday, 19 July 2012

It's Official...

I'm pregnant!

Okay, well, I knew that months ago, but since I had to give my 12+ weeks advanced notice of maternity leave (which means I've actually told HR I'm preggers, and not just eating too many donuts) it feels far more real.

Or as real as it's going to get if you ignore the wiggling person in my uterus with a heartbeat and constantly changing mood towards food.

So I'm on the countdown to 18 October when I can shuffle off this working coil, and become a (lumpy) lady of (not really, but as close as I'll ever come to) leisure.

If you completely diregard the fact that I'll be 36 weeks pregnant and I'll have an almost 4yo at home with me, then the leisure part seems perfectly reasonable.

Somehow, I've managed to wrangle a full 12 months paid leave. Obviously it was HR's plan all along: drive me to the brink of insanity for my own benefit. Looks like completely losing my shit over being tired, unappreciated and not feeling like I could take time off from work without being given the evil eye was simply part of the grand plan.

Just a tip HR - next time let me in on the secret - we'll get along a hell of a lot better.

The fact that there won't be a next time is completely irrelevant.

I'm really looking forward to not working. Even after all this time as a working mum, I still feel the sting of having to be exactly that. I'm not saying I'd rather see our family starve than go to work - clearly I'm not that evil, or I would NEVER have gone back to work - but I think the tug of war between my obligations to a workplace and my love and attachment to a person we brought into the world conflict every single day and I am ready to put that behind me.

When I hear people say things like 'if you can't afford to stay home, then you shouldn't have children', it really burns my butt. Last time I checked there were far worse things in this world than your child attending daycare.

It's not like I'm strapping my child to the fan blades during the day and leaving her there until I come home! We put a lot of consideration into which daycare she would attend - like every parent does - and waited as long as we could before putting her in. People don't choose to go back to work lightly - some of us don't have a choice.

Things are different this time around, and I'm very grateful for it. The emotional rollercoaster that is being a working parent is not for me, and I knew that from day one, but circumstances meant I had to do the hard yards for a while until things changed.

Being a SAHM is going to come with a whole new load of challenges, and I get that. I certianly don't have visions of laying on the couch, watching TV while eating chocolate (well, not until after the kids are in bed!) but I know I'm going to love it a hell of a lot more than schelpping into work every day wishing I was somewhere else.

So here's to the remaining 91 days...may they dissipate faster than a fart in a fan factory.

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