So I've been trying to think of the best way to get everything...and by that I mean to be the proud owner of Tina Steinberg jewellery and modern cloth nappies.
And after some events this evening the following statements are what I've come up with.
1. When you've gone so long without a bikini wax that standing up from your desk means rogue hairs entwine themselves in the fabric of your knickers and tear themselves out - you know you should probably make an appointment.
Wait - who said that!?...................
.........!
The Factual Statements of Events This Evening that Lead Me to Believe that Christmas and Nappy Happiness Will All Work Out. (Or...'Sweet, I'm gonna get all that stuff!!)
1. Expecting your significant other to be excited about Christmas presents and ordering them online from a store in the US and having to use kits to get imprints of fingers etc is a completely unrealistic expectation and you will cancel Christmas and rent a room with the Grinch.
2. Tallying up the cost of point 1 and showing your significant other online how easy it is will mean that Christmas is back on and the Grinch needs to refund your bond.
3. Tallying up the cost of point 1 will mean you'll keep your cloth nappy costs to yourself. And suddenly edit the story to say 'Just going to get some nappies' and not correcting any assumptions that they are Huggies.
4. You will begin to receive packages in the mail...and your significant other will be joyous to be told that you've won a nappy contest and will be sent samples...to keep...
5. Claim ignorance about bank charges and credit card statements.
6. Tell the truth about the nappies AFTER your new fingerprint jewellery is safely around your neck...but standing far enough away to prevent any strangulation by said jewellery, facilitated by said significant other.
Providing I survive all of the above, it will be a lovely Christmas this year.
Ahhhhh - bring on December...
