The Friend Filter...

I always remember my Mum giving me advice on friendships. She was never outright critical of a situation, she would listen and then give her thoughts and let me deal with it as I wanted, but I knew full well she would be there to support me.

But how do you teach your 4 year old about good and bad friendships? How do you make them understand that there is a difference?

Miss 4 has developed a relationship with 4 of the 7 children that live next door. In the beginning, I didn't have a problem with it. She was thrilled to have some friends, close to the same age, that lived right over the fence. I was more than happy to have them over to play.

But in the last month or so I have noticed a shift in their attentions. At first I thought their constant requests to come over were cute and I was glad they had so much fun. But when I can't even go down my front steps to do a load of washing without them hanging off the fence, begging to be allowed to come over, it's a bit much.

I've noticed that Miss 4 has been coming inside, in tears, asking me why her friends can't come over. They just won't let up and they bug her to bug me about it. She becomes distressed and frustrated with me because no answer is good enough for them and, therefore, not good enough for her.

I couldn't work out where her special treats were going - I always have a little stash of chupa chups in the cupboard for a treat when we go to the park or just because I know she loves them. I couldn't work out how she was going through an 8 pack of fruit boxes in an afternoon, when we had just bought them.

When entire boxes of Barbecue shapes were gone, I decided to watch a bit more carefully. I was worried I had done something to make her think she couldn't be honest with me, so I was quietly observant.

Turns out the neighbour kids are using her as a food and beverage delivery service. She was sneaking food out of the house. She has never had to 'sneak' food EVER. Miss 4 knows that she can go to the cupboard or the fridge any time she likes if she's hungry or thirsty. There is always fruit and water on the go.

I'll admit, I know that Miss 4 and The JellyBean appear to have everything, and the kids were astonished at her toy collection. But she is only 1 of 2 children and our family is lucky enough to have the earning ability we do. The neighbours have 7 children and are both parents are on pensions. They also appear to have some serious 'substance and anger issues', but I won't go into that.

Fair enough, the kids think Miss 4 has it all and they want to have some too. If you are a guest in our home, then yes, I won't hesitate to make sure you have a snack and drinks as needed, but it makes me angry when they use Miss 4 as a portal to food and drink.

After I found out what was happening, I sat down with Miss 4 and tried to explain to her that good friends don't make us do the wrong thing for their own benefit. I tried to put it in perspective by asking her 'do K, C or A ask you to sneak food and drinks from the house?' When she said no, I went on to say that if her 'friends' were over to play, then yes they are welcome to a snack and drinks, but if they are at home then they should ask their Mummy or Daddy for a drink or something to eat. Miss 4 seemed satisfied with this, and promised not to sneak anything from the house anymore, and if her 'friends' asked her to do that, she would come and tell me right away.

In no time at all I was putting the kybosh on their relentless requests to Miss 4 to get them food and drinks. I told them no, that asking Miss 4 to sneak food was wrong and they had to go ask their parents because they were at home.

Their response was to completely shut out Miss 4, despite her standing at the fence calling to them. It broke my heart and I brought her inside to play games together and we did some painting. She cried and asked me why they didn't like her anymore.

The following day they started to talk to Miss 4 again, but the endless requests for food and drinks came back and when she said no, they ignored her again.

You're probably wondering why I don't just have them over to play. Fair question. My response is to say that the last time they came over turned into a nightmare when they started world war 3 over every single toy, broke toys when they didn't want to share (I'm thinking it's a 'if I can't have it, then no-one will' type response). When they got bored of that, they convinced Miss 4 to bring them the iPad and they played games on it and completely ignored her. 

When I walked them home after 5 hours, their front gate was locked and I had to wait until their Mum decided she was ready to have them back.

When she finally did come to pick them up, she gave me a glazed smile and slurred something about having been over 3 or 4 times to collect them but it sounded like they were having so much fun she didn't want to disturb them.

I might not have minded so much if it was the first time that happened, but it wasn't. And I was just outright pissed off with being used as a free babysitting service.

Issues with the parents aside, I didn't think I would have to be teaching my 4 year old to protect her little heart, so soon. To be honest, this isn't an issue I had even considered and now I'm not sure what to do. How do I give my little girl a 'friend filter'?

We have been thinking for a while about selling and moving. Part of that involves repairing the fence and it means the kids won't be able to communicate through it anymore. I feel horrible for saying this, but I'll be grateful when that happens - every time her little face falls because she refuses to do the wrong thing and they shun her, every time they send her up and down the stairs, repeatedly, to ask me if they can come over and I say no because they don't have any respect for Miss 4 or her belongings and she gets upset - all of it makes me want to scoop her up, lock the door behind us, hang a 'for sale' sign on the fence and drive away.

I do everything I can to make her realise that real friends don't treat you differently, depending on what you're prepared to do for them. We go on lots of playdates, we spend lots of time with family and friends and we spend lots of time together. I hate feeling like I can't let her play on her trampoline or just play with her dolls in the yard without the neighbour kids harassing her. I hate feeling like our own property isn't comfortable because they are ALWAYS THERE. Always wanting something from her.

There's probably no immediate solution to this, other than to continue doing what we're doing, and I hope that repairing the fence and eliminating the lack of privacy issue will go a long way to solving some of the problems.

I love my little girl so much and I want her to be as open, free spirited and heartfelt as she is for as long as she can, but I won't stand for that to be taken advantage of. I may be soft and fuzzy but, I'm still a mama bear and, you'll be feeling more than just regret if you mess with my little one.

But what about you Mama and Papa bears out there? Have you ever had to deal with something like this, so soon? Am I completely out of touch or are kids growing up a lot faster these days? I feel like this is something I should be talking to Miss 4 about in another decade.

For now, it all feels too soon and too much for such a little bear.

The Happiest Place on Earth - A Birthday Party in Pictures...

21 January 2012, somewhere in the Northern Territory, 2 little girls celebrated their 3rd year of life with their friends and family...

The biggest birthday cake ever...

Complete with goodie bags...

It was a Mickey Mouse Club House themed extravaganza with enough food and cake to feed an army...and a third of our fridge now contains half of this cake...

Miss 3 and her pass the parcel...

More pass the parcel fun...

Pass the parcel was played after some swimming - Birthday girl parents plied guests with as much food as humanly possible...and then provided some more...

Singing Happy Birthday for the 2 Birthday Girls!

Naturally, following overwhelming amounts of food, cake must be served!  We sang and blew out candles to celebrate 2 little girls...and braved the water for some indigestion-busting pool time...

Swimming...we swam for approx. 85% of the time.

2 Birthday girls having fun in the pool.

And at the end of it all 2 little girls fell asleep...and 4 parents collapsed in a heap...but not before this Mummy realised that next year it's all our turn...

2 Birthday Girls on their special day, in their favourite place...

Next year the cake will obviously have to have it's own postcode.

My Designer...

is totally in the newspaper today!




Link to article here

And yes, Kevin is totally MY designer. He made my dress for the Coleman's Cup Race Day and, although the fact that I wore it was a tragedy, the dress was A.MAZ.BALLS.

Which is better than just amazing, if you were wondering.

I told anyone who would listen who made my dress, and my fascinator. I think I was on the verge of running on to the race track to make a public announcement when it was decided we had to leave.

I'd never worn anything made from silk before, other than my wedding dress. And now Kevin has me hooked. I'm addicted to the swish, the softness, the GLAMOUR! I'm not used to feeling so awesome in clothes.

My standard outfit is denim shorts and a top of some sort. It's the kind of outfit I hope hides my Mummy-tummy and makes my arse look smaller.

It's not always successful, but the more I look at clothes the more I realise clothes are containing more spandex and covering less surface area. I don't care how Yummy-Mummy-ish you are, it is NOT cool to have two sets of lips visible to the world.

Ahem.

So having a friend who is a designer means I avoid looking like I'm wearing a burlap sack, or a stripper costume, when I go out. And that's a goal that should be on every woman's list, every day.

Our next project, I hope (hint, hint), will be a cute summer dress...grecian style and long, that's soft, floaty, girly and perfect for romantic evenings or family walks on the beach. Because we all know walking on the beach with your family needs a dress that makes you feel pretty, happy and catches in the wind for that classic beach pose...

Image Credit

So, Kevin babe - here's to you and thank you for bringing fashion to Darwin and to me. God knows what we'd be wearing without you. x

http://www.kevinkishore.com/

P.s.: You should totally hire me as your publicist...just sayin'

Wolf Creek John Jarrett and the GPS of Death on a Long Weekend

Sounds dramatic, huh?  Well, dramatic it may be, but it's completely and utterly true. For a few hours on the long weekend I honestly thought Wolf Creek John Jarrett was going to jump out and get us:

I'll never see Wolf Creek - the ad's alone made me want to cry

It was the disturbing close to a rather full weekend.

Saturday was a nothing day - and I'm not ashamed to admit that I slept all day. I left the Guru to manage the Toddler and I snoozed the day away on the couch, occasionally opening one eye to view the child-cyclone-path-of-destruction that surrounded me. I decided to just pretend it was all part of her Pro Hart phase and we'd soon be making money out of this kind of mess. It settled my mind enough to go back to sleep, and that's all that mattered.



I didn't see a dragonfly on my floor so much as a dragonfly poop

Sunday rolled around quickly, much to my disgust, but it was a shopping day and we went and bought some clothes, a DVD kit for inside the car and some other stuff. Once the shopping was complete, the Guru went home to have a lie down (it's the stress of spending money, see) and the Toddler and I continued on to the Greek Glenti that was being held on the Esplanade.

My Mum and a friend of the family from Japan came with us, so I had help wrangling the Toddler through the masses of people. We were all cool, calm and collected until suddenly my child tried to leap from my arms and burst my eardrum with a screech of 'DIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEGO MUMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!' Needless to say, it appeared that Diego, the cousin of Dora the Explorer, was on stage and it was imperative that we get to the stage NOW.

I can't say my day would have been lacking if I didn't have to endure the 20 minutes of mindless babble from a man in a large costume. And 20 minutes was all the Toddler was prepared to witness because after this time she turned to me and said 'Enough now Mummy, we go somewhere else.' Apparently she was disappointed in the quality of the entertainment - it was pointed out to me that the animals weren't real.

Step it up Diego, next time the Iguanas and the birds need to be real, and trained to speak and act.



Fresh from the set of his latest James Bond movie, Frank Iguana is looking for a new career challenge...

So we abondoned Diego to complete his 'quest' alone, and were subsequently swallowed by an ocean of people who swept us up and dropped us neatly in front of a bouncy castle. Awesome.

We spent 15 minutes on the bouncy castle, until the Toddler's foot found a patch of castle that had been baking in the sun. Cue tears and a desperate attempt to launch herself off the castle to escape the lava pit she had just encountered.

Once feet were soothed, we moved on to the teacups. The GIANT teacups. Which the Toddler begged her Nanna to take her on. So both lined up, and all was fine with the cheery-emo teenager controlling his giant teacup ride with all the pride he could muster. I have a feeling it's a more satisfying job than making burgers at McDonald's or stacking shelves at Coles.

Because at night you could sneak back, plug in your teacups and ride them for as long as you liked.

Sneaking back to Maccas or Coles in the middle of the night to plug something in and ride it will most likely just get you arrested. And then fired.



Teacups - helping children spew since forever.


The Toddler happily waited the 5 or so minutes for her turn and finally got into a teacup with her Nanna. But sadly, the cheery-emo youth was replaced by the evil-emo youth who wore 3 watches and only let the kids ride for 3 minutes. Which was about how long it took him to get the ride up to speed.

It was somewhat anti-climatic and I could tell by the look on the Toddler's face.

I threw evil-emo the evil eye and hoped that his Carney instincts would make him realise he had just been cursed.



Except that I was less cat and more person...

And if he didn't notice the curse, then losing a testicle will just come as a pleasant surprise.

Anyway, we moved on to a motorbike ride, which the Toddler took on like Casey Stoner was her Dad. Which he's not. She loved that ride, and rode the mini bike like she owned it. She chose the red one too - because red goes faster.

It was a day full of Kodak Moments and times that I cursed the idiots who flogged our camera - so, hopefully, when their testicles fall off it will be a pleasant surprise for them, too.

Finally it was time to go home and recover. The Toddler was in bed at 7:30pm. I was in bed at 7:35pm.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
After the best nights sleep ever I woke up and decided that today was the day to text everyone I haven't talked to in a while.

This included my friend who had a baby 6 weeks ago, my friend who had a baby 4 weeks ago and my cousin who is due to give birth in 4 weeks.

As 2/3 of these people are in South Australia, it seemed more appropriate to visit the baby who lives in the same state. And her Mum, of course. Ahem.

So I got the address of their new place, loaded myself and the Toddler in the car and went and spent a small fortune at Target in a 'holy crap I still haven't got my friend's baby anything' shopping fit.

I think Target hates me. They always seem to be having a sale on cute clothing in the Toddler's size. Which would be fine had I not promised the Guru that my last spree at Pumpkin Patch would be the last foray into clothing land for a while.

A while, in his mind, being 6 or so months.

A while, in reality and when I'm unsupervised, was actually a matter of hours.

The shame. It burns.

Anyhoo, the Toddler and I had some lunch and then loaded in the car once more. I was super excited to be able to use the GPS in the car for the first time. Well, the first time where I didn't actually know where I was going. Getting directions home from work is slightly redundant when you've been travelling the same way for 3 years.

I was slightly disturbed when the GPS showed me my route on the map. It looked a little something like this:



In the middle of nowhere is where John Jarrett likes to choose his prey...

At that point I was grateful for a full tank, full stomachs and drink bottles. Worst case scenario, I've watched part of an episode of Man Vs Wild, and I think I could cope...probably...


So off we go....and go....and go. I get a call from the Guru voicing concern that we've been gone for several hours. I advise him that I'm currently driving roads I didn't even know existed in the NT, and that I'm not sure if we'll make it home alive.

The Toddler was asleep, and this gave me ample time to consider our situation;

A) Driving in an unfamiliar area
B) Potentially lost...the GPS likes to update me occasionally, reminding me to continue for another 20km's, but I'm on a straight road so it's not like I have options.
C) The tree's are starting to look eerily like they were filmed in Wolf Creek
D) I believe we may be the next victims of Wolf Creek
E) When John Jarrett jumps out of the next bush I must not stop to check that he's dead. Serial killers always fake death to trap you. I will not be fooled!!

After driving for enough time for Shrek 4 to play twice (almost) we made it.

No thanks to John Jarrett.

The next time we go visit, I'll be prepared.



I'd like you to meet our family bodyguard

The drive home was uneventful, but still un-nerving. John Jarrett had obviously hacked into the GPS as it kept telling me to continue into the desolate distance.
And today on my way to work, it kept telling me to do a u-turn and drive to my death.

Pressing buttons at random hasn't achieved anything thus far, so I'm thinking a trek into the users manual is a wise choice.

Wish me luck.

Dear T

We haven't had a chance to catch up in a while, and I know you and J and the girls are going through a tough time with Kitty at the moment, so I thought I'd write to you.

Right off the bat I'll get a sob point out: I really miss you guys.

So does the Guru - although he's a silly boy and won't admit it. We have pics on the fridge of the girls and the Toddler is always pointing to them and telling me she knows Munchkin and Nao (and Aunty T and Aunty J...lol!) sent her My Little Pony for Christmas.

The Toddler loves that pony. It's just a shame she doesn't enjoy having her hair brushed as much as she enjoys brushing the pony's. Life would be a lot less high-pitched in the evenings if she did.

The girls have both grown so much! I remember holding both of them as little babies and thinking they were so tiny and fragile. And now...now they're all, very grown up and clever.

I don't really have much to update you on here - other than I became a house-proud psycho while the Guru was away. All the parents are still here, and it's just same old, same old as we plod along.

Oh wait, that's a lie - we pick up the new car tomorrow. But that doesn't happen every day. Prince William and Kate Middleton got married recently,too. Which also doesn't happen every day. I just thought I would mention it as only Channels 2, 7, 9, SBS and anything HD, every radio station and every online facility have been flogging it. And so you may have missed it. Like a fox!

Sorry about that fox bit. I heard it on a TV show the other night and I hadn't heard anyone say it for ages. I may have just proven why in my last paragraph. Timing was never my strong point. As you know, with us always being a minimum of an hour late for any event.

Can you believe it's May already!? Seriously, it feels like I just got over Xmas and already half the year is almost gone. Before I know it it will be Xmas again and I'll have to start my panic buying. And the Guru will start avoiding the task of opening any mail from the bank.

You know, I've just read over those last 2 blobs of verbal diarrhoea and realised I've discussed the calendar and dribbled some pointless story about 'like a fox!'. Seriously, that's the kind of thing you discuss on a first date when you're still trying to decide if the person is normal or a serial killer. Because, you know, it's the normal ones that are a concern - the serial killers are at least predictable.

All I have to do is mention the weather and we're right on track for first date awkward conversation.

It's sunny here today.

Ahem.

Did I mention that the Guru is home with Man-Flu?

Can I ask, what is it about being on holidays, coming home, and then getting sick? Honestly, Karma, you missed the boat. He was meant to get sick while he was AWAY. Not now he's home and I have to deal with it and most likely catch it.

Last night I said to him it was just my luck that he would get to enjoy his holiday, come home incident free, get sick as a dog and most likely he'll be the one in bed on Mother's Day while I nurse him back from the brink of Man-Flu-Death.

His response was most likely witty and/or sarcastic but I couldn't tell as it was muffled by sniffling, snuffling, coughing up his lungs and nose blowing.

I'm picking up a bio-suit on the way home. And I'm going to pick up a mini-suit for the Toddler.

Speaking of the Toddler - here is a picture for you:



My little Master Chef.  Before her haircut.



I love looking at your blog and seeing pics of the girls and updates on what you guys have been doing. The move has been a good one for you all, I think, no matter how much sometimes I look and wish we were in the pics of your BBQs and play dates.

I know I've said it before, but even now it stings that we aren't living so close anymore. Some would say it's no big deal given we have access to things like Skype. But you and I aren't telephone or video call girls - we're instant message and face to face girls. We know that.

I look back over our friendship and wish I had made more of the time you lived close. It was gone so fast. I wish we both lived in a town that was more user friendly, more varied, cheaper and more exciting.

And I feel like I let you down a lot by not being around, by always being at work.

I envy you being a wonderful stay at home Mum. I wish I could do that. There are many reasons why I couldn't - the main one being that I am a materialistic, selfish cow and working means I can continue being that way.

My MIL would say it's a result of my childhood. That being an only child and having everything that I wanted has meant I am now completely unable to grasp the idea of going without. And sadly, she'd be right. To a point. I didn't get everything I wanted. I never had a pony or a BMW for my 16th birthday or a house for an engagement gift from my parents.

People I went to school with, did. And as far as I know they had to sell that house and are now sharing the BMW with the pony. Or maybe the pony is now the seat covers? I'm not sure.

Anyway - I guess my main point is that I think you are an amazing Mum, and your girls love you so much. And they always will, you can see it in their faces when they look at you.

Speaking of the girls, I saw in your last post that you and J are organising a Will. It made me think of the fact that we don't have one either and what would we do if the worst happened. It made me suddenly afraid to die (this is rather morbid, isn't it?).

And it made me think of the amazing honour you and J gave us as being the girls Godparents.

I don't think I ever told you how special and proud you made us feel when you asked us to do that. That you and J think we are the kind of people you would trust with your children is one of the biggest, most amazing things ever. I can't even put it into words properly. There are no words. Other than I have no doubt we will never have to really 'god parent' the girls because you will both be around, always.

No matter how much we may not get to catch up, no matter how far away we live and no matter what happens, you, J and the girls will always be very special, important and vital parts of our lives. I hope you will always know that.

Give J and the girls a big cuddle from us, and give yourself a huge cuddle, a glass of wine and some chocolate. And watch the Tudors. Perve-fest.

I'll catch you soon hun,

Love me x

How do you put into words

how much you are hoping things will be alright? How do you possibly tell someone, whom you've never met, had coffee with or spotted in the supermarket that you are hoping and asking for the goodness of the world to shine down on her and her family, and make everything okay again.

Lori, hun - I've never met you, but I feel like I know you. You have shared so much with us all. And let's be honest - our blogs are like our loungerooms. Inspired, sometimes messy and constantly undergoing a transformation of some kind, but warm, friendly and a place for us all to visit and have a chat.

I don't have the words to tell you how much I wish this terrible time weren't happening. And how you have so many people in this world who love you and are hoping for a miracle.

You, Tony, the Chop and the Bump are all in my thoughts and prayers, as you all are in everyone's, and I hope that with all of us working on it, your miracle won't be far away. x

Some wonderful people have put together a helping hand for Lori and her family at this difficult time. If you would like to help or just send a message of love and support, please visit Wanderlust and let her know you're out there.

Spruikers Sunday....or Monday...Whatever!

Well, hello there! How was your weekend? Good?

Mine was GREAT! I got to catch up on all the Discovery Home & Health channel shows I've missed over the time we've not had satellite TV. Yes, channel 640 is practically burnt into the display on our TV.

I've managed to drag myself away from the TV today (because we have MyStar and I am recording everything I might miss...the Guru just rolled his eyes and left for work wondering what the hell he's done and that our child may become mother-less as a result), and I have come to work to do some blogging. And yes, I am very proud of how I can fit work around my personal commitments, thank you.

So on to the topic of the moment - SPRUIKERS SUNDAY!

This week, I would like to highlight the blog of my most amazing friend, Tam.

Madomi is all about life with J, Munchkin and Nao. It has up's and down's (hey - it's life!) and some of the most gorgeous photo's you've seen. Yeah - I'm totally biased, but our God-daughters are beautiful and no one will tell me otherwise!

Tam is a cloth nappying, SAHM-ying, Llama-loving, dynamo who isn't afraid to show her human side and share with us her thoughts and feelings on anything.

So check out Madomi and sneek a peek into a window of this wonderful woman's life...

This post is liked to Spruikers Sunday, hosted by BM-I Don't Care

Disappointment

So this post is going to be a complete 'poor me' job. Sorry, I'm just putting it out there like it is. That way, if you're not in the mood you can navigate away and come back another day for a cheery post when my Xanax has kicked in...hang on, what?



So we got an invite in the mail from a very good friend of ours who is getting married at the end of this month. I would love to go. I REALLY would. But right now, with the house and all, we're trying not to overdo it financially and airfares from Darwin to Adelaide require a deposit...in blood and black market internal organs.

Because Qantas have us by the balls. And if you fly Virgin Blue you have to travel for a full day visiting every capital city in Australia on the way. And pay an extra zillion dollars for the privilege**.

Jetstar is fine - if you don't mind flying at the worst times known to man. And I'm sorry, I want to travel in comfort and at a decent hour. Arriving 2 hours before the wedding and having to fly back 3 hours after it finishes to get a cheap flight is not the best idea I can think of.

So, we've made the decision not to go.

And this brings up the whole stinging ouch of another Adelaide wedding we missed...just over a year ago...at the Adelaide Zoo. And from the photo's Tam (you can visit her at Madomi...I've mentioned Tam LOADS of times!) has shown me it was fabulous and I am still bitterly disappointed that we weren't there.

And I still feel like a shite friend for not being there. But Tam is forgiving on a whole other level...and thank god for that!

So not being able to go to this wedding is extra stingy for previous memories, and new ones we'll be missing.

Which then brings me to a whole new level of  'why the hell did we move here? I want to go back to Adelaide where most of my friends are and I can shop regularly in Myer again. DARWIN IS CRAP'.

Yeah - it just starts a whole spiral of hatred for our location. Which is somewhat ironic since we just bought a house here. And buying a house generally means you're happy living where you are.

Well, not today. Today, it sucks.

So, in an effort to try and regain some sort of standing in my friends lives, I am going to be taking home some suggestions at trips to Adelaide in the New Year. Because it's total rubbish that we've missed weddings, births, various parties and other fun things...including the joy of being in the same place as my friends when we all have small children.

I guess it's that childhood ideal...you always think you'll be in the same place and that you'll all get married, have children and grow up around eachother...

And I'll admit it. I miss having more than 2 variations to the weather. Because rain or no rain but bloody HOT all the time is not as cool as it was when we first got here, all pasty white, fresh off the plane from winter-ish hell. But I know that the chill of an Adelaide winter would probably kill me now.

But the reality is life takes you in all sorts of directions and you can't predict where that will be. It could be 1km away, it could be 1 million km's away. And who knows, maybe distance and not being there day to day doesn't matter so much.

But when it comes to important milestones for friends and family I feel the pull of my hometown...and I want to be back there so badly...

So I will continue with the solution of a New Year's visit. Because it will attempt to soothe the sting.



**Richard Branson - you can kiss my arse. You're a billionaire, and you gave a free flight to the obscure brother of Sylvester Stallone because Hamish & Andy think his music is good. Well, how's about helping a sister out and schlepping the free tickets over this way?

 My friends wedding is a WAY better cause than some guy who did the music for the Rocky movies. And god knows there were too many of those. Besides, his brother is Sylvester Stallone! How's about he moves into Sylv's basement and leeches off him for a bit?

 Oh wait...right...the movie music opportunity...maybe that was the beginning of the end for the leeching??

The Legend of the Great Dummy Extraction (and applicable sunburn)

Friday, 10 September 2010

It has begun. We have travelled to the shopping centre to gather supplies for tonight's fearful task. The Guru almost bailed on me in the car on the way. Saying he wasn't expecting the task to be started tonight. I huffed and puffed about being abandoned and left to do it on my own. He backpeddled and said I misunderstood. Whatever.

With the items in hand we head home. After we treat ourselves to some food court dinner. No point in trying to cook and be a terrible mother all in one night. Besides, the tenision and fear in anticipation of what the evening might bring is making my hands shake so badly my burger is being showered all over my lap. Shaking hands and trying to cook something at home will only end in tears. Mine.

So we got home in one piece...bath time is done as normal and everyone is enjoying themselves. During this time the dummies are collected. Including the secret stash we discovered under her mattress...just out of eye shot but within sneaky toddler reach.

We discuss further how the baby faeries need the dummies and that they will leave something special to say thank you. We put the bag on the table and say bye bye to the dummies. No tears, begging or anything yet. It's going well.

Bed time. We read eighty two million books. The Toddler can sense our fear. She's milking it. We're not stopping it. We continue reading until finally she's dozed off to the sound of her Daddy's voice and my hand gently stroking her hair.

We pick her up and place her in bed. Kiss her goodnight, make sure she's comfortable and head out. There's nothing....just silence.

Oh my god. It that it!? Seriously... What was I afraid of!? That was so EASY!

And then the silence is shattered by the call over the monitor..."Mummeeeeeeee....sob.....Dummmmeeeeeee" followed by all sorts of howling and wailing and calling. I re-enter the room many, many times, pick her up, rock her, try to soothe her.

Total. Mothering. Fail.

After 2 hours and a final desperate call to my Mum asking for moral support and some words of wisdom for us, a plan is made. The Guru runs to the bag on the table and retireves a dummy. I think he could have outrun the flash. But screaming children will do that to you.

We re-enter the doomsday cave Toddler's bedroom, and insert dummy into awaiting toddler mouth. With some Mummy cuddles the Toddler is asleep in seconds.

But once she is asleep and has spat out the dummy, we take it back.

10pm - All is well in our household. And Panadol is making a fortune out of the 2 of us.

Upon the silence I can only assume our neighbours decide against calling child services. They never showed up despite my paranoia. Cheers.

Saturday, 11 September 2010

The day starts bright with no dummies in sight. the Toddler is THRILLED with all the goodies left by the Faeries as a thank you. The Faeries may have gone overboard on the presents and the faerie dust the previous night...but the big girl faerie didn't care, it was just the silly big boy faerie who cried about possible glittery dust going everywhere. And getting on everything. And making boy clothes appear very cabaret-ish. Pffffft - boys.

We anticipate the challenge of a day time nap without a dummy. But have last night's plan ready for action if hysteria comes a'calling.

Nap time arrives...well, sneaks up on us. Happy toddler has gone and Demon toddler has arrived. With dark circles under her eyes and a wild look about her.

This could be bad on so many levels.

The bedroom is entered and we sit in her armchair and read stories. No dummies have been mentioned. By any of us.

It comes time for the sleeping part of the day. A slight whimper erupts from the Toddler's lips and I see the Guru flinch to stop himself from diving for the dummy he has stashed in his pocket...just in case...

Whimpering dies down and Mummy cuddles are requested and given. Steady breathing and snuffling sounds indicate the Toddler has dozed off. She is gently placed in her cot and we depart. Dummy still in the Guru's pocket.

I stand outside her door....waiting for the eventual cries over the monitor.

Silence....and more silence....and it continues. I assume now our neighbours have taken child services off their speed dial list. Again, thanks for that.

Fast Forward to Bed Time...

There is much discussion with the Toddler about how the faeries came and took her dummies. And the Baby Faeries now have them and love them. This discussion is started and ended at the Toddlers insistence.

We head to bed...stories are read...tickles given and more Mummy cuddles are administered. But we go to our cot awake and aware. And we say goodnight to Mummy and Daddy and roll over and close our eyes.

The Guru and I depart....we listen....we hear small chattering over the monitor..."baby faeries have dummies...close eyes...(yawn)...nye nye faeries...faerie cuddles..." and from there we had contented sleeping sounds.

Sunday 12 September 2010

Day 2 of dummy freedom. We head to the water park for a play date with friends, both big and small.

It's wonderful, watery, cool, breezy, fun day and we close it off by another visit to the shopping centre (because I have more money to spend...the Guru begs to differ but...pfffft, boys).

The Toddler has an afternoon nap and we chill out for a bit. All 3 of us head outside after naps and a late lunch/snack are complete and we clean the pool and do some tree hacking and laundry.

The afternoon as also uncovered a small side effect of the morning's watery activities. For the Guru and I at least.

While the Toddler was decked out in her sun smart everything and almost no patch of her skin was visible to sunlight and the patches that were visible were smothered in enough sunscreen to repair the hole in the Ozone layer, the Guru and I just....well....weren't. We paddled and frolicked and did everything...but without the slightest hint of sunscreen or even a hat.

Welcome to the world of Bitchin' Sunburn. We hope you enjoy your next week slthered in Aloe Vera After Sun Gel and crap sleep due to no comfortable sleeping positions being available.

You would think we'd learn. That we would remember the 2 days of our honeymoon spent in our hotel suite slathered in this green gel of death. That in sunscreening the Toddler we'd just pop some on ourselves.

Nope. Nothing. Nada.

Idiots.

And I will continue to curse the hole in the Ozone layer as I spray my aerosol's around, drive my car, use disposable nappies and put recyclable materials in the rubbish bin...right next to the bigger, less smelly recycling bin.

Maybe one day I'll learn...when they make sun smart swim wear for adults that doesn't make me look like I'm wearing a giant condom. That's unflattering. And when I say unflattering, I mean BESIDES the fact that I look like I'm wearing a condom. Because a condom is fine...but when it makes you look like your arse is actually 2 bull dogs in a burlap sack fighting eachother for space, well, that's just a whole new level of unflattering.

But I digress...

After everything it turns out the dummy wasn't the Mount Everest of Weaning I had thought it would be. And without being smug, I am eternally grateful that we appear to have a very accepting daughter who was ready to say goodbye to her dummies. The result would have been very different if we'd approached this at a bad time or if she wasn't ready. And we know that.

But to the Universe...and the baby faeires who made all of this possible...I thank you. It could have been truly terrible, but we remain with our family and our sanity intact.

Now if only I could find a comfy patch of un-seared skin to sleep on...

Reaching out for a sleep pattern...

This is a feel good post directed at my very amazing friend...you know who you are...

The dictionary defines sleep as:

- verb (used without object)

1. to take the rest afforded by a suspension of voluntary bodily functions and the natural suspension, complete or partial, of consciousness; cease being awake.

The dictionary defines pattern as:

- noun

1. an arrangement of repeated or corresponding parts, decorative motifs, etc: although the notes seemed random, a careful listener could detect a pattern

2. a decorative design: a paisley pattern

3. a style: various patterns of cutlery

4. a plan or diagram used as a guide in making something: a paper pattern for a dress

5. a standard way of moving, acting, etc: traffic patterns

6. a model worthy of imitation: a pattern of kindness

Now for the purposes of this post, we only need to focus on items Sleep (1) and Pattern (5) & (6).

And here we go...

Heads up little ones! I've had a bit of a chat with you Mum and it seems apparent that we need to strighten out this lack of Sleep Pattern situation. Because it's driving everyone a little bit insane. Including yourselves.

I'd like to bring your attention to the following statement regarding sleep:

to take the rest afforded by a suspension of voluntary bodily functions and the natural suspension, complete or partial, of consciousness; cease being awake.

Now, I'd like to point out that sleep is wonderful. And the above descritpion of  'natural suspension, complete or partial, of consciousness' is an amazing thing. People pay a lot of money just to experience this natural suspension of consciousness - yet as youngsters you have a free supply of the physical and mental exhaustion needed to make this suspension a regular occurance throughout your day, and dare I say, your evening!

Trust me - make the most of your opportunity to map your days around being unconscious. Because work places frown on their staff being 'suspended' during work hours. And Schools are equally unforgiving.

Now, moving on to these 2 tid bits of info regarding Pattern:

a standard way of moving, acting, etc: traffic patterns;

a model worthy of imitation: a pattern of kindness

So, some standard ways of SLEEPING you might like to consider would certainly be anything up to 2 day time naps (say, 11am and 3pm) and then a full nights sleep from 7:30pm to 7:30am. Feel free to request a drink/snack during this 12 hour period of unconsciousness.

And in terms of a model worthy of imitation - I think if you do a survey of your friends you'll note most of them have sleep patterns that are well worth considering and imitating. And as for night sleeping, I'm sure your Mum would be happy to give you a demonstration. And she'll happily allow you the imitation rights to the demo free of charge, providing you use it regularly.

You would be stunned at how simple it all is. No, really. It is. Closing your eyes and laying down on a soft bed is all it takes. If you want music, that's fine. If you want cuddles, that's fine too. Heck, if it means hanging a Llama from your ceiling to sing you lullabies to get this pattern happening, Llamas will be sourced and trained.
Sadly, the days of free sleep are numbered. The older you get, the harder it is to find time to fit in this blessed activity. And just when you think you've found the time, something happens and it has to be postponed.

Make the most of it. It'll be gone before you know it...

**I know this won't solve the problem hun, but I just hope it gives you a chuckle...and I threw in the Llama's just for you...x**

Remembering the good things...

The blog of a fried of mine made me think tonight. She made me think about all the things I have in life and reminded me of all the things I have to be grateful for.

Sure, I whinge that I'm still not pregnant again, and that I'm tired and lacklustre and just feel plain run down. BUT, none of that is a good enough reason to ignore everything I have to be grateful for. And as a result I've decided the I'm going to make a list...

 - I am grateful for The Guru and everything he brings to my life, including the chaos
 - I am grateful for The Toddler and the light she has brought to my soul since she was born. It's indescribable and breathtaking.
 - I am grateful for our god-daughters, Munchkin and Nao. We love them like they were our own and feel very special to have been chosen to be such special people in their lives, and the lives of their Mum and Dad.
 - I am grateful for our parents. Those supportive individuals who have let us make mistakes, helped us pick up the pieces, start again, choose our own path, listened when we whinged about it and cheered/laughed/cried with us through everything.
 - I am grateful to have a home, and a family within that home which would be different without them. Different in a terrible way.
 - I am grateful for our friends who have been steady and just..well...there. You're all amazing.
 - I am grateful that The Toddler has such amazing carers at day care who love her and make her feel safe until I come for her in the afternoon.
 - I am grateful to live in a country where my child has undeniable access to everything she needs, clean water, good food (and even bad!), healthcare, and most importantly, love.
 - I am grateful to be employed and to have a job with people I genuinely love to work with.
 - I am grateful to be sitting here knowing there is food in the cupboard and in the fridge...

Speaking of which - I am grateful to know that there is a Picnic in the Fridge which I can eat...right now if I want to...and that it will be yummy...

So all in all I think I have a lot to remember when I'm having a 'poor me' day - which really shouldn't occur because according to this (and the longer list I have in my head but just don't have the space to type out) I have a great life with plenty to be thankful for.

So let's all have a glass of champagne and toast to remembering the good things...