My first ever foodie post - Red Velvet Cupcakes

Usually I'm not one for sharing recipes. Anyone will tell you that I'm not known for producing food.

Known for destroying the stomach lining of my family? Yes. Known for having to throw away cookware that was fine before I got to it? Damn right.

As a result, The Man has requested that I NEVER make lasagne again.

But I've been doing a bit more in the realm of baking since I became a 'lady of not-really-leisure-but-that's-what-people-think-when-I-say-I'm-a-SAHM'. It's had it's good days and it's bad.

Today, I did a trial run of the cupcakes I'll be making for Hermione's birthday party in a couple of weeks. In the past, I wouldn't bother. I have an almost 5 year old, and those 4 birthday parties have given me plenty of experience to be confident in making a batter and then baking! Well, that's what you'd think anyway.

Tragically, it's my baking experience that has taught me I should always make a trial of anything, not to mention that someone else should be asked to proof read the recipe and then double check all the labels on all the things I plan on mixing together.

I blogged my near miss with mass poisoning. I'll give you a minute to refresh.

See. I can't be trusted.

However, today, I managed to overcome my massive failings and actually produce something perfectly edible. Which is typical - now we have a dog that will eat anything, I become Nigella-fucking-Lawson.

And so, without further ado, I present you with a recipe and pictures!

RED VELVET CUPCAKES WITH CREAM CHEESE FROSTING

CUPCAKE INGREDIENTS
* 2 cups plain flour
* 1/4 cup cocoa powder
* 1tsp bi carb soda (and this isn't a typo, it's 100% bi carb soda, not baking powder)
* 1 cup buttermilk
* 200g unsalted butter, melted
* 2 eggs
* 1tbs white vinegar
* 1tbs vanilla extract
* 1-2 tsp red food colouring (I use gel rather than a liquid as a little goes a long way and you get a richer colour. You might need more or less depending on what shade of red you're looking for)

CREAM CHEESE FROSTING INGREDIENTS
* 2x250g packets of cream cheese, room temperature
* 2 cups icing sugar
* 120g unsalted butter, room temperature
* 1tsp vanilla extract

CUPCAKE METHOD
* Preheat oven to 180 degrees Celsius.
* Sift flour, cocoa, caster sugar and bi-carb soda.
* Whisk buttermilk, melted butter, eggs, vinegar and vanilla until combined.
* Combine wet and dry ingredients together until just combined and add the food colouring, until you achieve the colour you desire.
* Pour mixture evenly between cupcake cases and bake for 25 minutes or until a skewer inserted in the middle comes out clean.
* Allow cupcakes to cool completely before frosting.

CREAM CHEESE FROSTING METHOD
* Combine cream cheese, butter and vanilla until smooth.
* Sift in icing sugar and combine.
* Use a piping bag to frost your cupcakes, or simply apply with a knife. Decorate as desired.

Because Hermione is having a Parisian Cafe themed birthday party, I decided to use edible glitter lightly dusted over the frosting with some edible pink pearls.

They turned out quite nice, even if I do say so myself!

So there you have it - a baking success with no casualties. The cupcakes are lovely and moist and the cream cheese adds just the right amount of savoury to cut through the sweet of the chocolate cupcake.

When I make these next time I'm going to be more liberal with the frosting. I was restrained this time as I didn't want to drown the cake.
Apparently I've never met me. The words 'too', 'much' and 'icing' have never even passed through my brain before, so I have no idea what the hell was going on in my kitchen today.

If you try these, please let me know how you get on and if you have any hints or tips for working with cupcakes please feel free to share.

The girls gave them 5/5 finger licks.

It's a miracle!!!!

Happy Birthday...

Today, you've been in the world for an entire year.

How is that even possible? It hasn't been a year. It's only been the blink of an eye.

The calendar would disagree. As do you in all your walking, babbling, toothy glory.

I want to freeze time so you'll stay my little baby - there's a part of me that's not ready to let go of all the baby things, and another part of me that knows watching you grow up with your sister will be hilarious, worrying and, at times, exasperating.

Worth every second.

Happy first birthday, my little Hermione Quinn.

Never be anyone other than you.

Yo Shorty - It's Your Birthday...

Although I prefer to think of myself as 'fun size'.

So, today, I am 29 years old. It doesn't feel like I've been on earth for 29 years - some days it feels like I've been here a shit load longer!

I keep thinking there should be some change in me, but I think this every year - that I suddenly become more mature, or that I should now be interested in watching the stock market and read poncy newspapers over coffee. But maybe that will come next year, when I hit 30?

On reflection, I think I've done okay with my time thus far. Sure, there are things that might be nice to 'do over', but what's the point in worrying about that? There's a reason our heads can't turn 180 degrees.

This year though, I've decided I'm going to be a bit 'louder'. I've always been very reserved, and so now I want to be more confident in who I am. I'm not going to pretend I do or don't like something just because someone else feels that way. I'm going to be honest about my opinions, make choices based on how I feel and what I think.

I'm going to try and stop worrying about the rest of the world and remember that it's ok to be me.

So, for starters, I want to do something with my hair. I've already lost the length - I had it chopped from just below my butt, to my shoulders, when Miss 4 was about 6 months old. It was liberating, even if I did feel bald for ages and continued to try and brush hair that wasn't there anymore.

I call it my 'phantom hair' stage.

That really only leaves colour and texture. So my curls will go on holiday for a short while, and goodbye to the brown/red colour I've been sporting for too long. I'm going to go for the change I've been wanting for a while...

Image via Google

Yep - red and black.

I know it's not exactly your typical 'mum style', but I'm trying to break out of the 'mummy mould' I've put myself in. Who says you can't be a kick-arse parent and rock some fab locks!? Look at Miss Pink from The Mummy Autobiography - completely proves my point.

I think I've been inspired to make a change by The Man. He's on a mission to become a toned champion of the 5am run and the 5pm workout. That kind of change is so far out of my spectrum I don't even know where to begin. I can support him and make sure his workout clothes are clean, but me and my peanut M&M's will be observing from the couch.

When I die, I'll know immediately if I've gone to hell. The room will be filled with clowns and their pet spiders on exercise equipment.

I have made a promise to myself that I would try and tone up a bit, but by the time I've run up and down the front stairs a few hundred times with loads of laundry, bags of rubbish and/or a baby, cleaned the house and been on the trampoline with Miss 4, I figure I've done more than enough exercise and it didn't involve any of the equipment that features in my nightmares.

This year will be a year of experimentation and, hopefully, success. I've already navigated the process of giving birth in a car, sending Miss 4 to pre-school and resisting the urge to constantly buy cute clothes for both my girls - changing my hairstyle will be easy as! Especially when you consider that it'll be a child free experience, plus head massages, massage chairs and coffee on demand involved in the lengthy process.

And best of all - someone else has to clean up after ME!

You never know, maybe I'll take some peanut M&M's with me and make it a truly indulgent day...

10 Reasons I Know my Husband Feels Guilty...

1. He's been getting home from work before 6pm.
2. He's been getting home from work before 6pm, and has spent time with me and Miss 3 rather than his computer.
3. He's come to bed every night this week at a reasonable hour just to spend time with me.
4. He's come to bed every night this week at a reasonable hour just to spend time with me, and has not expected sex.
5. He has helped me dress Miss 3 in the morning, without resorting to excuses why he can't spare the 5 minutes.
6. He didn't complain that dinner last night was a strawberry jam sandwich. That he had to make himself.
7. He hasn't forgotten to put out the rubbish bin all week.
8. He hasn't left the car low on fuel, for me to discover as I drive past the last fuel station for the next 3,000km's.
9. He let me eat the last of the Twisties.
10. He voluntarily moved out the old bedside tables for new ones, helped me make the bed and then sat with me while I watched My Kitchen Rules and yelled at the TV like a looney.

As soon as I get my massage on Saturday, I'll totally stop milking it. Maybe.

How do you know when your other half is feeling the crippling weight of guilt? And the biggest questions of all - do you milk it?

February Photo A Day Challenge: Day 16...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD! Hope you have a great day. Since you came around and chopped a couple of palm trees down for us on your Wedding Anniversary, do you fancy some Birthday chopping too?  There are a couple of trees just outside our front fence...

Day 16

|Something New|

My new coffee mug that I got for $1.89 at Target on Monday. Worth every cent!

Want to play along? Visit www.fatmumslim.com.au for all the details

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! February Photo A Day Challenge: Day 12...

Day 12

| Inside My Closet |

A woman who starts her 28th year of life, today. And thinks it's a fab idea to begin that year hiding in the wardrobe. Because that's what you do when you want to hide from the ageing fairy....that, and get some Garnier BB Cream when you next go shopping.

Hey - wanna see how you'll look when you're 500 years old? Add that new, weird "sun effect" to a self portrait in Instagram and watch the years pile on. 

It made me want to dig further into my wardrobe until I found Narnia.

Holy shit the man better have a good present to boost me from that terrifying experience.

Happy 28th Birthday to me!!

Want to play along? Visit www.fatmumslim.com.au for all the details

The Happiest Place on Earth - A Birthday Party in Pictures...

21 January 2012, somewhere in the Northern Territory, 2 little girls celebrated their 3rd year of life with their friends and family...

The biggest birthday cake ever...

Complete with goodie bags...

It was a Mickey Mouse Club House themed extravaganza with enough food and cake to feed an army...and a third of our fridge now contains half of this cake...

Miss 3 and her pass the parcel...

More pass the parcel fun...

Pass the parcel was played after some swimming - Birthday girl parents plied guests with as much food as humanly possible...and then provided some more...

Singing Happy Birthday for the 2 Birthday Girls!

Naturally, following overwhelming amounts of food, cake must be served!  We sang and blew out candles to celebrate 2 little girls...and braved the water for some indigestion-busting pool time...

Swimming...we swam for approx. 85% of the time.

2 Birthday girls having fun in the pool.

And at the end of it all 2 little girls fell asleep...and 4 parents collapsed in a heap...but not before this Mummy realised that next year it's all our turn...

2 Birthday Girls on their special day, in their favourite place...

Next year the cake will obviously have to have it's own postcode.

Happy Birthday...

Well, the day is here - and the Toddler is no longer a Toddler.

She's now Miss E, who now is 3.

Heh, I'm a poet and I didn't know it.

Yeah, I'll stop now.

To our precious little girl with the bigger than life attitude, I hope you have a wonderful day. You are now 3...going on 30. And while this morning wasn't the birthday morning of joy I had hoped for, it has made me realise that you certainly are no longer a baby and I will have to accept that.

Can I just say that the arrival of your 3yo attitude, this morning, was a bit over the top? Feel free to keep that under your bed...and not bring it out. Ever.

But wild moods aside, I'm really looking forward to tonight when we get your special cake from The Cheesecake Factory, light 3 candles on top and sing to you. You love singing and blowing out candles - so you're lucky to have been born to parents who are happy to ignore their own tone-deaf attempts at 'singing' and like to have candles in the house.

Your party on Saturday should be a blast - a Mickey Mouse Club House themed joint party with your friend, K. We've done joint parties since you were both 2 - you're only 4 days apart anyway. This year it was K's turn to choose the theme, and luckily you've discovered the Disney Junior channel and have embraced Mickey Mouse Club House with gusto. You like to be Minnie Mouse, but she hangs out at the Club House, so it's all good.

Mummy and Aunty T spent a lot of time hand making the invites again this year. And we're quite proud of them actually. I've kept one to add to your scrapbook of memories so you can look back and shake your head at the rediculous amount of time spent creating invites.

And we'll keep doing crazy stuff like this until you beg us to stop...

I hope you and your friends at daycare like the cake I made. It wasn't burnt and I only had to use sprinkles to cover one layer of failed iced writing. The Happy 3rd Birthday looked more like 'Hipot 3lg Blrytfgot' so I just covered it and tried again. Still wasn't great, but at least you could tell what it said.

By the time you're 15 I might be able to produce something you won't want to throw under a passing bus. I hope.

But that's why we always get yummy Cheesecake Shop cake for home. That and the fact that your poor Daddy can't eat any more bad food cake. His stomach probably has ulcers on ulcers.

This makes daycare my only testing platform, and that could be regarded as human experimentation, but I have no choice as mice won't go near my cooking.

So  'Hipot 3lg Blrytfgot' special girl - may you have a wonderful day and develop better skills in the kitchen that your Mummy.

Love always and forever,

Mummy and Daddy
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Disorganised. It's a way of life...

The Toddler turns 3 tomorrow. I suppose that means I have to officially stop calling her The Toddler. So Miss E shall be her new alias.

But not until 2:56pm tomorrow.

I may or may not be coping with her turning 3. I don't want to stop her growing up, but I do want to stop time occasionally, just so I can catch my breath. Time moves so quickly, and this last 12 months has gone especially swiftly in our household.

Which is one reason I like to think I am always so disorganised. Events creep up on me and then leap out of my diary, screaming 'SURPRISE!!'

I am fully aware that birthdays, anniversaries and Christmas all have their standard days in the year. I know that The Toddler's birthday is on the same day in January every year. The Office of Births, Deaths and Marriages does not send out random text messages saying 'Congrats! This year we have determined that tomorrow will be the 2012 birthday of your child!'

And yet, here I am on January 18 - and I still haven't made the cake for daycare (although if last year was anything to go by, that could be a blessing. Toilet duck flavour, anyone?), finished birthday shopping or anything.

I am just as disorganised at Christmas, with The Guru's birthday, our wedding anniversary...it's a gift being this scatter-brained.

So tonight I'll be picking up a packet cake from Coles (again, the Toilet Duck cake still haunts me...and The Guru's taste buds. They've never fully recovered.) and running into Target for a few last minute gift ideas. I don't know what those ideas are - it all depends on what Target has available.

So wish me luck, and pray that packet cakes don't require me to add Baking powder/Soda or any variation.

Happy Birthday

Well, it was only a matter of time before you caught up to me - and now we're two peas in an age-pod.

You're 27 going on 50, just as your daughter is 2 going on 25. It's a household full of people older than their years. Except for me - I'll always be immature enough to drag you back ;-)

I hope today makes you smile and laugh, as much as a Monday can. But it's your birthday and you got to see the new Transformers movie last night, in 3D, child free. You said I would have bawled my eyes out from the first scene**, so we know it was an awesome idea for me not to have been there.

You are so very important to the Toddler and I. I don't see how we could make every day 100% perfect if you weren't around to share it with us. She can't tell the time, but the Toddler can look outside and see the sun starting to set, and she knows that your car will soon be pulling up, and she'll be scrambling to make it halfway down the stairs to greet you.

The days you work late, and it get's darker and darker outside, I can see the worry on her face as she asks me 'Daddy coming home, now?'  We both know the hours and workload that come with what you do, and that it keeps a roof over our heads and food on the table. But we feel sad when you're not under that roof, or sitting at that table, with us.

We're so very glad the Financial Year is over, again, and we have you home from work at a reasonable hour. I promise I'll stop threatening to call the CEO and tell him I think he's a slave driver. Or just an asshole. Until next year.

I can never put into words just how much we love you, and just how much we will always need you. You're a husband and a Daddy, but above all, you're you.

And no one else will ever compare.

Happy Birthday to the Husband and Daddy of our dreams...

Love Wifey and Peanut
xxxxx

** When I went to see the first Transformers movie, I cried through most of it. I can't handle when anything get's hurt and when the yellow bee car got hurt, I started to sob and couldn't stop. It was then and there that the Guru and his friends decided I was no longer allowed anywhere near a Transformers movie. And I thank them for it.

I'm terrible with anything sad in a movie. As in when I hear the American Tail animated movie theme song "Somewhere Out There" in a supermarket, I have to drop what I'm doing and leave before I burst into tears and embarrass myself, again. Making movies about lost little mice with sad songs and then marketing them to small children...Spielberg, for shame. I haven't seen that movie since the first time when I was 4 - it breaks my heart, and 23 years later I'm still blubbering.

I have a long list of movies I can't watch without turning into a giant puddle, and the Guru will be watching 98% of anything Disney-ish or just plain sad with the Toddler. Emotionally, I just can't handle it.

Birthday

So I've done my first 'scheduled post' and this is it...wishing myself a happy birthday.

And for those of you who have (or haven't) been wondering, my age this year is....(drumroll)...

27!!

So not high enough to need to set the cake on fire (although thanks for the person who suggested that), but it was on the list, so I didn't try to lie. The person who said my age wasn't on there - that's because you thought I was 21. Right? Right.

And I am. I'm 21. With a dash on top.

But I've been thinking back to when the Guru and I were planning on getting married (the tender age of 22) and I do remember blathering at him something about wanting to have children and everything out of the way by the time I was 27 because I wanted us to have the chance to develop the house of our dreams by the time we were 30.

And when I hysterically laugh at consider that plan, I realise how naive I was then

But I figured 5 years was plenty of time to marry, have 2 kids and buy a place we could make awesome. We would become one of those DIY couples that just magically pull amazing renovations out of their backsides. You know, like the people you see on the Austar channels who seem to have all the plaster marks in all the right places so even though they're filthy, they look fashionable.

Now, I'm the first to admit the plan might have gone a little awry. We may have bought cars instead of a house - until now. We may have had a honeymoon baby, but are having to 'work' for the second (not that anyone's complaining!). We're going to renovate our house, but we're going to pay for someone else to do it properly, rather than us building the deck and it falling down overnight.

I would still like to do something...it may consist of standing somewhere, holding a hammer and posing for a photo before leaving the professionals to finish off. But I'll have done something.

So while 27 has arrived as planned, everything else has been a bit of a mis-adventure. But that's life I suppose. A great, big mis-adventure - and who would want it any other way?

So happy birthday to me - I can only hope that what's to come is as awesome as what has been.

Friday Fluff: Cake, Candles and Overall Success

So I promised you all a proper walk through the cake business for the Toddler's 2nd birthday. Well, at the very least the tale of the trial cake/day care cake.

And as promised, the whole sorry tale is laid out before you...

 

This is the time of night on a Tuesday that I decided to create my cake. Yes, 10pm the night before I need it to be done. Organisation fail.

This is the cake tin I chose. I chose to do a giant cupcake...and I chose to buy 2 tins. Because when I've finished baking with them I can use them to dress as Madonna and strut around to 'Vogue'.

Cupcake, anyone?

Oh yeah, I'm all class, baby.

Ah, the recipe. A standard vanilla sponge recipe - it looks so simple and fool proof. But they haven't met me.

This is the newest member of our family. She is red and fabulous. Her name is Poppy and she does all the hard work. I love her.

Oh yeah - I'm powering along and the baking process seems close. At this point I'm feeling confident and fabulous and I'll have this in the bag by midnight.

Notice my attractive spatula in matching red? And my nails in coordinating watermelon pink?

Yep - I was on fire that night. I had it all under control.

It came time to fill the pan...and it was fair to say I had underestimated the amount of batter needed to complete this cupcake.

And so a secondary batch was quickly made up to complete the filling process. Once the tin is full it's shoved in the oven.

Cooking in the oven at a toasty 180 degrees.

And 45 minutes later it emerges from the oven as...

A GIANT CUPCAKE!!

It's a miracle but I actually managed to produce a cake that even I could be proud of.

And it was here that the trouble started.

A taste test was required and the Guru readily volunteered his services as official birthday cake taster. He's a trooper.

The only problem was his expression wasn't what I was looking for. The expression on his face made me think of him eating my first attempt at lasagne. God knows he tried, but his stomach would have none of it.

And this was eerily similar.

So I dove in for a second opinion...and I chewed...and I chewed...and I discovered the problem.

It tasted like a fluffy, cake based, toilet duck:

And so the Guru asked me if I was sure I got the recipe right. I angrily replied that yes, I did in fact get it all right and there was absolutely nothing wrong with anything I put in there.

The Guru discreetly looks over the recipe in the book and compares the ingredients smothering the kitchen bench. I proceed to curse the cake gods. Loudly.

And then the Guru hit the 'ah huh' moment.

Much to my shame I had got something wrong. Very wrong. But in my defense, it was a simple misunderstanding.

I now fully understand that Baking Powder and Baking Soda are two entirely separate items and should NOT be substituted.

But I would like to point out to the Baking Soda people that putting 'baking' on a package and then have the contents not suitable for human consumption is a completely, terrible idea! I mean, there could be not so many, many other people out there who could make this mistake and not have a taste tester willing to risk his life in checking these things. Baking Soda people - consider yourselves notified.

Now, if MY box had said this, I might have thought twice about adding it to food...

Anyway...by this stage it is about 1am and I am a sobbing puddle on the kitchen floor mumbling something into my hands about trying to poison innocent children.

The Guru pours me into bed and makes a shopping list. He is the only one who can save this project, and it's well and truly gone beyond the 11th hour.

At 6am on his daughter's second birthday the Guru rushes through Coles to get everything - including Baking POWDER.

By 6:45am I am working on getting my cake together. Again. Minus the inappropriate ingredient.

Thank all that is holy, it's a success and this time I even made enough batter for the tin in one go. It gets shoved in the oven and during this time I manage to get myself showered and dressed, and even the Toddler is organised.

The cake emerges from the oven some 45 minutes later and miracle of miracles it looks right. I sneek a taste...and it doesn't taste like death.

Excellent start.

Carving off the excess to make a smooth 'join' was the easy part...

Yet surprisingly the cake came out of the tin perfectly and it looked like I had finally achieved something. It's around this point, while I allowed the cake to cool before icing, that I sent my boss a text advising of the cake drama and ensuing cake mission of the morning and that I would be considerably late.

Her response?

'No worries. You should have used a packet cake!'

Sage advice...shame it was 12 hours too late.

And so I embark on the icing. And it's safe to say that (a) I had no plan and (b) I had no ideas. And the result of this blank canvas, also known as my brain/imagination is as follows...

I managed to get the cake and my child to day care in 1 piece and as soon as everything was settled and in it's place I made a run for the door.

And I made it to work by a respectable 10:30am.  Nice.

Throughout the day I kept my eye out for any emails from the Centre for Disease Control on strange poisonous cakes and small children falling ill in large groups. But there was nothing, and I was confident that when I went back to day care in the afternoon, everyone would still be alive.

And happily, they were! And there was even left over cake which I was willing to donate to the carers, but which my child insisted had to come home.

Fair enough - she obviously knew my fragile state in regard to baking and thought that if she takes some cake home it'll be enough to keep her going until I've worked up the courage to face baking again.

Clever girl.

We make it home and I decide that candles are in order...and so we light up the top of her giant cupcake and celebrate her second year on this earth.

This is the child of a parent who will never look at Baking Soda the same, again.

YAY! Candles!!

'Phhhhhhhhhhhhh!'

What do you mean they don't light up again!?

And I should say right here that I have a renewed sense of awe and gratitude for the Guru. Anyone who is prepared to rush around a supermarket at a stupid hour of the morning to save his daughter's birthday and his wife's fragile cooking ego is one hell of a man.

And I'm so glad he's ours.