Pregnancy, Construction & iPhones on a FFS!? Friday...

Oh Friday - I love you. You herald the beginning of another week in this pregnancy and one less week for everything to be done that I've decided MUST be done before this baby arrives.

Good times.

But let's cut to the chase, shall we?

• My self esteem is at an all time low when it comes to my appearance. So when The Man happens to mention that a model in an underwear advert reminds him of his brother's wife, my ground level self esteem begins to dig a tunnel to the centre of the earth...FFS
• He tried to make me feel better by saying it was the models face that reminded him of his SIL- it had nothing to do with her body. But we all know the more you explain, the worse it gets...FFS
• When The Man and his brother were demolishing part of the house, they managed to have an entire section of wall bring my laptop, crashing to the ground, with it...FFS
• Missed The Man's computer by a mile, of course...FFS
• Miss 3 has managed to lose her iPod. I know it must be in the house but I can't find it and it means my phone is often recruited as a replacement. I only discover this fact after she's gone to bed and I find my flat phone buried in the couch...FFS
• I'm sure my friends must think I'm a rude bitch for not answering my phone or replying to messages...FFS
• Miss 3 doesn't bother with The Man's phone. Only mine...FFS
• The Man, his brother and a carpenter mate are completing the walls to the new baby's room tomorrow. I have an impending sense of doom about the idea of nail guns being used...FFS
• Perhaps this is because they are the most accident prone people alive, especially when together...FFS
• I also keep having premonitions of a visit to the emergency room...FFS
• I found some awesome maternity clothes in the newest Big W catalogue. But I forgot that I live in Darwin and the idea that I could buy something advertised is completely ludicrous...FFS
• The OB has me on maternity leave because I need to be able to rest a lot to allow my ribs to heal. Not sure how that's meant to work when I have a baby using them as monkey bars...FFS
• And just in case my life sounds far too glamorous, the all-the-time-sickness hasn't gone. I had to throw up in my handbag the other day...FFS
• This awesome retching also does nothing for the rib situation...FFS
• I've developed a disturbing addiction to pancakes. This does not bode well for my plan of minimal weight gain in this pregnancy...FFS
• My nesting is in full swing and it's turning me into a nut job. But it's not my fault, THE HOUSE AND EVERYTHING AROUND IT IS JUST SO DISORGANISED!!...FFS
• The biggest issue is that as soon as I've put something away, I can't remember where I put it. Such as my house keys or my child...FFS

So there you go...now if you'll excuse me I have to go clean all the things I cleaned yesterday and put things away in the hope that I'll remember where I put them.

February Photo A Day Challenge: Day 19...

Day 19

|Something I Hate To Do|

Folding and ironing. There is nothing worse. Nothing. I'd prefer to clean the toilet.

Want to play along? Visit www.fatmumslim.com.au for all the details

Remembering how to read...

So, in light of recent week's events and having limited access to my Austar shows, it had occurred to me that I need to find an alternative activity to keep my brain ticking along until I can have the lounge room back and the endless repeats of Ice Age/Monsters Inc/Shrek/Shrek 2 etc are again sent packing to another room in the house.

And so, cleaning out my diesel destroyed purse last week and coming across a Dymocks voucher from Christmas that I'd forgotten about, I decided that re-acquainting myself with that old fashioned past-time, reading, would be a fantastic thing.

And, so, what do you know - today I decide that I cannot be arsed going to work and so cash in some TOIL hours and stay home. With the aim of cleaning, doing the washing and all those other things I completely ignored over the weekend. That is, until I hear a loud 'thud' at our front door.

Trying to quell the rising panic as I slowly crack open the front door, wishing I had some kind of weapon to cripple the next wave of house robbers, I peek out and try to remember the ninja moves from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Thankfully, it's not more robbers, and I don't have to whip out my 1990's ninja skills. It appears that an Australian Air Express employee has seen fit to throw a package against our front door and run away. Oh, I mean, deliver a package to our home, and kindly bring it all the way to our front door for my convenience.

The running away part would have happened anyway, considering I was still in my pyjamas.

And so it seems that I now have something to fill my time other than being a mum, wife, full time worker, blogger and procratinator. And it's those procrastination skills that will come in to play today as I read a book and do nothing around the house.

Besides, if I start cleaning around 3pm, it leaves me a minimal window it get stuff done before people start coming home and noting the lack of progress made.

I work better under pressure, anyway.

What am I reading?

The Hidden Diary of Marie Antoinette by Carolly Erickson.

Notorious Royal Marriages by Leslie Carroll

Awesome Stuff Vs. WTF Stuff

Awesome Stuff

So the Guru and the Toddler surprised me on Sunday.

When the Guru mentioned that something I've drooled over for quite a while would be arriving that day, I couldn't work out how he managed to get Johnny Depp into an Australia Post bag.

And while I was sad to see the parcel was smaller that Johnny, I was intrigued.

Cue jaw-dropping-stunned-silence as I was presented with:

iRobot Roomba 577

The following thoughts occurred to me while staring at the round object of house cleaning magic...

1. He actually listened. He heard me. Wait, what...!?
2. I've seen YouTube videos of cats riding these. I'd like that to happen here.
3. With the touch of a button my child could clean the floor for me!
4. With the touch of a button my husband could clean the floor for me!
5. With the touch of a button I can wash dishes, and with another button, clean the floor. And then go out shopping! Wait, who am I kidding? I'll actually be going to work.
6. I wonder how far away the automated washing machine system is? Can I speed up the process?

I tried it out for the first time that afternoon. I had vacuumed earlier in the day and was internally gloating that it was fruitless, it would find NOTHING!

Shortly thereafter the gloating turned to shame.

The reign of the robots has arrived in our home. And thank god for that.

WTF Stuff

So I was reading the paper this morning while making coffee and found that the NT Police have just taken delivery of this:



Image from the NT News: The 'Bear Cat'

That's right - they now have a Land Rover with a full metal jacket.

According to the NT News: "Territory police have received a new power weapon in the country's fight against terrorism. The $400,000 hi-tech armoured rescue vehicle, dubbed Bear Cat, weighs nine tonnes and is bullet-proof and blast-resistant."

And according to the NT Police Commissioner: "The "new tool in the kit bag" was hoped to combat life-threatening situations, including acts of terrorism and sieges."

So I'm thinking there will be new methods for bringing justice to Darwin.

Read up people! You do the crime, you'll do the time...

Offence: Hooning
Punishment: Your car will be crushed by the Bear Cat...while you're still inside

Offence: Speeding
Punishment: Your car will be crushed by the Bear Cat and you will be chased by the Bear Cat, maintaining a minimum land speed of 60km/hr

Offence: Not wearing a seatbelt
Punishment: Your car will be crushed by the Bear Cat and you will be saddled up and ridden home by a mounted Police Officer

Offence: Expired registration
Punishment: Your car will be crushed by the Bear Cat and you will be mummified in expired rego stickers
 
Offence: Not stopping at a red light/stop sign
Punishment: Your car will be crushed by the Bear Cat and you will be utilised as a speed bump at the scene of your folly
 
Offence: Armed robbery
Punishment: You will be gunned down by the automatic weapon mounted on the Bear Cat, and then put in jail to think about what you've done
 
Offence: Petty Theft
Punishment: See Armed robbery
 
Offence: Break and Enter
Punishment: See Armed robbery
 
The NT has gone bad-ass. Or just completely insane.
 
 

Days Six through Ten - The Final Stretch

Wednesday 27 April

So today was day 1 of the transformation. My Mum came over to help me tackle the job of the lounge/dining area. I had an awesome sketch of the floor-plan I was aiming for and a burning need to succeed.

Because the night before I tried to teach myself to knit. With a picture and a step-by-step DVD tutorial. And this is as far as I got, after about 2 hours:

Yeah - I wish I was joking.

So with the stench of failure in my wake I was determined to get our home to work and look the way I wanted, not how it just kind of fell into place.

We cleaned, mopped, scrubbed, moved, shoved and huffed our way around the space. And at the end of the day we'd achieved a lot.

But it still wasn't finished.

On top of that I had entered the 'man-cave' (also known as the study) and discovered the Guru's terrible secret.

It goes against the grain and I wanted to cry when I saw it.

I had unearthed what I could only describe as 'the-Guru's-collection-of-inexplicable-man-crap'.

I went through it and, whilst considering the idea that he could have built three perfectly functioning computers with all the 'man-crap', made an executive decision about what stayed and what was sacrificed to the God's of Clutter Free Living.

A lot of the time I had no idea what the items were, but I figured;

1. I had never seen this pile of crap in the entire time we've been together (despite moving house 4 times!); and
2. He hasn't, to this day, built three perfectly functioning computers. 

Therefore he doesn't need any of it.

I'm the first to admit that this theory is highly likely to come back and bite me in the arse.

Whatever. It was messy and it was blocking my vision of a clutter free existence.

It was around this point that I decided I'd had enough for one day and proceeded to feed the Toddler and we both collapsed in a heap.

I woke up in the wee hours of the morning with a craving for a computer and wanting to build cheeseburgers to sell.

Or something.

Thursday 28 April

This day was a blur, and I'm not entirely sure what we did. So I offer you a picture of the Toddler in her Easter-Egg-Hunt-Groove:



That bag was overflowing by the time she was finished...moderation is not a word used often in my family.

And I also offer you a picture of my new best friend. She happily does dishes while I sleep and this makes her the shining jewel in our home...


I may have shed a tear of joy when I set her first load - and then was able to walk away and watch TV.

Friday 29 April

According to a very sneaky source, there was a whisper of a wedding happening on this day. I wasn't 100% sure until I was trying to eat my cereal and drink coffee whilst being beaten over the head with continual blathering about Kate Middleton and Prince William on all channels.

Well, I had other monumental activities to be focused on, so the wedding would just have to go on without me.

It took the remainder of the day but it finally all came together. It was glorious.

So - to begin, let's refresh our memories of what we started with:

The lounge room of doom - view from the front door

The dining dumping ground - view from the front door

These are the only pre-transformation photo's I took. The rest was too shameful.

And now - I unveil the wonderful transformation that is our kitchen...

 

It's small and stuck in the 80's (for now) - but it's clean and sparkly...with a dishwasher!



Favourite corner of shiny red things #1



Favourite corner of shiny red things #2

I also tackled our bedroom - bought new linen, bed covers and a new lamp that's girly and pretty and has a flocked lamp shade in teal.

Behold! Our room of debauchery!

See the pretty lamp?

Still see the pretty lamp?

And finally - the Pièce de résistance...

New view from the front door

Awesome lounge area with sleeping child and only one basket of folding. BLISS!

New view from the kitchen area...makes me happy

New view from the front door

Somehow it feels bigger, brighter and better. I walk in the front door now and smile - rather than fall to the floor, curl up in the foetal position and scream 'you can't make me stay here! I'm going to a hotel!'

And that night I locked the door behind me as I departed my sparkling residence and took myself and my child to my parents house for a sleepover and some wedding watching.

Thankfully the wedding watching only lasted as long as it took for my Mum and I to see the dress. Then we were over it and watched The Kings Speech.

We felt good about keeping the movie to theme.

Saturday 30 April

Spent the day shopping with my Mum and the Toddler.

And we hit a milestone.

The Toddler had her first haircut. She now has a little fringe and her curls are all even at the back. I kept the hair, filmed the entire haircut and watched as our baby became a little girl.

I looked at the hair from her haircut later than night and realised I was holding the hair that she was born with 2 years ago. That sprouted on her little head while I carried her. That now bugs her when it flys in her eyes.

I hit the emotional peak of my day at that point and went to bed with some chocolate and a movie.

Sunday 1 May

4am. We're at the airport. And I spy a group of blokes at the other end of the terminal. I scan them and decide that it's not the Guru and his mates. They're obviously football hooligans who go over to Bali to buy more singlets and thongs to wear to their sisters weddings.

You know, there's nothing like a Bintang beer singlet at a wedding. It's seriously classy. I'll bet William and Harry were wearing one under their jackets.

I continued to wait for my perfectly non-hooligan-ish, non-Bintang-singlet-wearing husband to appear.

I also continued to observe the bloke-ish group advancing on my position.

Before I had the chance to throw my handbag at them and run away, the Toddler screeched 'Daddy!' and wriggled out of my arms before running towards the hooligans.

Hooligans who were now looking familiar.

Hooligans, of which one was the man I married.

A husband hooligan who brought me back 2 Bintang singlets. One pink and one purple.

Sigh. At least I have something to wear to a wedding.

***Sunday after some more sleep***

Sleep in. Watch TV. Obsessively and compulsively tidy things away to maintain my pristine environment.

Drive the Guru insane.

He puts something down and when he goes to pick it up again, it's gone.

I tell him that's because he puts them down in the wrong place.

He asks me how it's possible to put on a pair of shoes if they have to stay in the cupboard unless they're on his feet.

I tell him to stand in the cupboard to put them on.

He says we're going out for dinner.

Monday 2 May

May Day public holiday for the NT.  Bedroom TV replacement day for the Guru.

We spend some quality time out with the Toddler - and head home when the tantrums of tiredness begin. We're not even buckled in and she's asleep in the car.

For a child who spent her first three months of life screaming whenever we put her in the car, this has been an interesting development. But I guess not even the most stubborn of children can combat the power of cars and making children sleepy.

Adults too, when they're in the passenger seat.

Once we get home, the Guru immediately starts assembling the new shrine TV set up in our room. And promptly falls asleep testing out the picture quality.

It's good to have him home.

Days Two through Five

Saturday 23 April

Today was so exciting that three days later I can't actually remember what we did. Wait - I think we might have...gone...somewhere...for food.

Awesome.


Sunday 24 April

So today is Easter Egg day. Well, I won't deny that I postponed the egg-stravaganza until as late in the day as possible. How, you ask? By spring cleaning. And I mean right down to scrubbing the walls with sugar soap, dragging everything into the laundry that I could possibly fit into the washing machine and if it wasn't nailed down it was shoved aside for vacuuming and mopping.

A full day of this and I wasn't even 50% finished. Our house isn't that big - I'm just in anal-retentive mode.

We then proceeded to my parents house for dinner and an Easter egg hunt. It was a hit and I was stunned by the lack of chocolate-want-but-can't-have tantrums.

The Guru found time in his busy schedule of relaxation and stupid, boring, boy activities to say hello via Skype. He mentioned a lot of things but the one thing that really sticks in my mind is that he's had a massage one or twice a day, every day since he got there.

Insert sobbing here.

We got home and passed out. Yay for sleep. It's the closest thing I'll get to a massage around here.

Monday 25 April

Spent the morning doing some more cleaning. I found that scrubbing things, very hard, made me feel better. Less rage-y about the lack of Balinese massage therapists in my house.

Then, after a marathon nap for the Toddler (3 and a half hours!) it was time for her play date. We went to our friends house and swam in the pool, made the most of the pool slide, played on their bouncy castle/ball pit thing, played some snooker and even went as far as attempting some SingStar.

I'm ashamed to say that when The Cardigans, Nickelback and Natalie Imbruglia came on I was in my element. It brought back many memories of singing into hairbrushes.

After a fab dinner of pork belly with crackling that the neighbours could hear you chewing on and all the SingStar we decided to head home. Our children had long since passed into the world of sleep. And we got home around 1am.

Seriously, it's the latest night I've had since I found out I was pregnant. That wasn't home based or baby related.

Today, Tuesday 26 April

More cleaning. Yeah, I'm so not done. It's hard - once you start doing something properly it's really disappointing to do a half arsed finish. Especially when you know you'll most likely have to clean it again in five minutes because your child and/or pet will have destroyed your efforts.

I did some more washing. I think my washing machine will be going on strike shortly. The TV in our bedroom has died. It made some scary noises and then smoke and sparks started in the back.

I initially thought it might have been an extreme protest to having to play In The Night Garden. For the eight hundredth time.

But no, it did the same when I tried to play something worthwhile. I toyed with the idea of contacting the Guru to tell him that one of his treasured technological items has bitten the dust. But I decided against it for fear of having to hear more about massages. I knew it would only make make me get stabby.

So, instead - I stood in my loungeroom and looked around. As a result I was very unhappy with the view and so I am taking it upon myself to completely change it while the Guru is away and not here to whinge.

This does mean making a slight change in the TV department - specifically, taking it off the wall and relocating it. This could cause may tears from the Guru as, when he hung it on the wall for the first time, he almost fell to his knees at his newly created altar of viewing pleasure.

With our not exactly wonderful room shape (an L shaped area) that needs to incorporate our lounge area, dining area and some play space for the Toddler, I was in a bit of a pickle as to the floor plan.

This is our living/dining area - our front door is at the top of the wall directly behind the couch. The white empty space at the bottom is where our kitchen is and we have 2 doors exactly as indicated on the lower part of the diagram.

After some thinking and some Googling I think I've found a solution, and it'll look something like this:

Obviously this is just to give you an idea, I'll have to 'flip' this pic to adapt it to our place...I'm hoping it'll work!

 I've most likely set myself a ridiculous task and I'm not even sure if it's do-able. It could be a complete disaster!

But hey, what have I got to lose? Maybe a couple of finger/toenails at worst. Lifting heavy furniture has its risks.

They say a change is as good as a holiday.

I don't know about that just yet - let me get back to you when I'm done.

It's a weekend - of chores.

I find I can work better under pressure - it's no good giving me something with a deadline 6 months into the future - tell me you need it 4 weeks out and I'm your girl.

I've always been this way. All through school, my best work was devised in the wee hours of the morning an assignment was due.

Now I'm at work I find I'm far more efficient if I have competing deadlines, something due on top of something else and then something due on top of that.

If I have too long to think about things I often over think it and the quality isn't as good.

Yeah, sounds strange I know, but it's how I roll.

So why does it irk me so much when the Guru chooses to tell me we're going to have someone visit, the morning they're due to pop round? I love last minute things - but last minute tidying and rushing around to make the house look less like a rubbish tip and more like a respectable home just doesn't fly with me.

In fact - it makes me quite angry.

But I'm finding it hard to stay angry because the Toddler is currently trying to trim my toenails.

Yeah, our family is all class. I'm just grateful she's not using her teeth.

So back to the point. I'm now aware that we've got someone coming over today. And I'd much rather meet them at a cafe to catch up. But the Guru wants to show her around the house.

I may just tip him upside-down and use his head as a broom and a mop.

It's Saturday - I don't want to clean. I can't be bothered. I thought that would be evident by the pile of dishes accumulating in the sink. Apparently that's not obvious enough.

Maybe I'll stop taking the rubbish out and let it spill on to the floor? Would that be proof enough of how much I don't want to clean and how much I don't want to have people over this weekend?

Yes, I'm showing my anti-social side. But I'm also showing my love of cafe's and other places to eat and meet friends. Places that have staff to clean. Paid staff. That I don't have.

If the cleaning faeries decided to pay me a visit I'd be extremely grateful - for about 5 minutes until the Guru and the Toddler destroyed the cleanliness and I wanted the faeries to come back again.

Maybe that's why cleaning - no matter how good you feel after it's done - is so completely unsatisfying in the long term. Short of wrapping the entire house in a filth repelling layer of something...for example...

Uploaded to Flickr by a_fake_mail

...I'm not sure how to avoid the inevitable mess and disorder that will result once they enter my pristine environment.

No matter how much I scrub the toilet, our family are required to use it. And yes, I have considered making the Guru go to the neighbour's house and use their loo. He had a large problem with this, so the idea has been shelved for further consideration and review.

Overall I'm just waiting for the wave of hysteria to flow over me knowing I only have 2 hours before our visitor is due. Right about then my alter-ego will show up and a miracle will occur.

When I'm cleaning the Guru imagines something like this will be flitting around the house...

The poor man is obviously deluded. The reality is actually something more like this...

Gledwood2.blogspot

And now, looking at the clock it's about that time where Super-Mario-Cleaning-Nut makes her appearance and gets the job done.

Have a lovely Saturday all!!

Reality Blogging - The War Zone

So Bad Mummy has asked us to all post an honest picture of our lives.

This week, mine comes from my lounge room...courtesy of the Toddler...and on this day I just could not be stuffed picking up everything all over again, or clearing away the lunch mess or doing anything remotely like it.

So I didn't...

Yeah - I totally slacked off - but my alter ego (who you can read about here) arrived just after the Toddler was in bed and it all became orderly and tidy once again.

Until the Toddler woke up the next day.

This post is linked to Reality Blogging, hosted by Bad Mummy

Oh, Wonders of the World...there are just so many...

I have discovered that there are some wonderful things in this world that have completely escaped me. And no, I'm not talking about the Pyramids or the 12 Apostles (although there's fewer and fewer of those left! I think it's a race with Venice to see who will be swallowed by the ocean first...my money is on Venice...).

I have discovered the joy of Gumption!

You know the stuff I'm on about. It comes in a small white tub with a bright yelow lid and has green writing.

It's fabulous. And I've found that if I can't Gumption it, then chances are nothing other than fire or napalm will be getting it off. Sadly, I'm not allowed to use fire to clean ('Fair enough!' I hear you say...) and napalm may or may not be completely unethical.

Although when it comes to ants, I would love to have one of those flame throwers. I'm just saying.

And so I'm thinking that I will be happy forever as long as they continue to manufacture this tub of wonderful-ness. The day it stops being made I may go into withdrawls and sit in the corner with my last tub rocking it back and forth like a baby. Snarling at anyone who tried to crowbar it from my arms.

The result won't be pretty.

Another wonder that I've discovered is the power of water with my little swiffer-mop thingy. I don't think there is a single hard surface that thing can't make shine - I'd even put bets on a swiffer-mop vs. concrete!
I do like to use boiling water with it though. Just for the additional germ killing power of scorching hot water. And in the absence of any chemicals, scorching water is just not negotiable. And if it's hot enough to melt the tiles, then so much the better.

And I know I sound like a germophobe and that i must have my family wrapped in plastic. But I am a very firm believer in letting your child go out and get dirty. How on earth do you build immunity if you're never exposed to things!? Hence my pro-immunisation stance too.

But that fact aside, just because I think dirt is fine outside, doesn't meant I am prepared to live in a house with filth encrusted floors. We live in the 21st Century, not the 1st.

Be honest. Do you truly think that if people had a choice back then they would have seriously been happy with straw on the floor and soot everywhere from the fire? No, they wouldn't. Were it available, you know full well the housewives of the time would have been whipping the Dyson out from the laundry cupboard and hoovering all the floors and walls and telling her husband and children to keep their filth outside until she's done. She would have been putting Ambi-Pur all over the house to kill off the stench from the yard wafting in and she would have been cleaning all those stubborn stains with Gumption. And then proceeding to shine the floors with boling water and her swiffer-mop.

I'll admit, there may be some flaws with my thought, but...meh!

I am finding it increasingly difficult to stay awake at the moment. The Toddler still isn't 100% and we're still not even slightly unpacked. Difficult nights and moving house are a shite combination. Just to give you the heads up.

And on that note, I am going to try and shuffle my way to the shop for some lunch and liquid life (aka Coca Cola!) and hopefully make it through the day and home before crashing into a deep sleep.

Oh, feather down pillow and quilt...where are you when I need you...?

Oh Motivation...Wherefore Art Thou?

So I have a lot to do around the house right now. In fact, you might say things have reached a critical point. A point where if I do something about it I will feel really good about myself. Or if I ignore it we will be living in a rubbish tip.

Okay, so maybe not a rubbish tip...but certainly some sort of untidy hole.
Sigh, where are housekeepers when you need 'em? Oh, right, in rich people's homes. Okay, back to reality.

The house is going to be inspected by DHA to see if they want to rent it since we're leaving ('cos we bought our own home! YEAH!) and as a result I am now feeling the development of my alter-ego...

Super-Mario-Cleaning-Nut.

The Guru has to work on Monday, even though it's a public holiday here, so I'll be on my own with the The Toddler. Which is fine...she's actually very good with a duster. Providing I move anything delicate/valuable/breakable/dangerous out of her way.

The Guru says he's glad to be out of the way. Poor guy - he really is helpful around the house but my alter ego seems to find his standards and hers are lightyears apart. It's better for him not to be here. He knows that, I know that and the cat's are planning a day out too so it should all run smoothly.

But why is housework so miserable?? Honestly. When did it become such a pain in the arse? I can recall doing chores for my Mum when I was younger and simply feeling proud of my effort and achievement. Now all I can think is 'Okay, now to stacking the dishwasher...no distractions...I am going to stack the dish...OH! A kitty!!'

I think I would rather pierce my nipples than vacuum right at this moment. Even washing is a misery, and all I have to do is stick it in the machine and walk away!

But I have set myself a goal of getting all the washing done tonight and then tackling the house tomorrow. I just can't be bothered worrying about fans and the like right now...although, if I do those tonight I don't have to do them tomorrow and it's one less chore to think of.

Super-Mario-Cleaning-Nut, welcome to the scene of the crime...we've missed you.

Rockin' Nails and Finding Awesome Stuff

I painted my nails today. Well, I painted them again. I bought a really sexy red colour from the MAC counter in David Jones while I was in Adelaide - I painted my nails as soon as I got back, and the day after I smashed the entire bottle of red all over our white tiles. I then proceeded to spend the rest of the day scrubbing the floor with acetone and bleach to return the pearly white colour to the tiles, but a side effect was that my nails were ruined.

I tolerated it for a week, and finally on Saturday found a deeper, more grape red colour with metallic tones that looks so hot, it's not funny. So I've cleaned off the MAC Red and applied the Revlon Grape/Maroon. Nice.

I was motivated to do a bit of a clean out on Saturday afternoon too - and as a result I found a $100 Betts voucher from Xmas that I haven't used (the Guru knows me too well!), a voucher for a manicure I got from a friend of mine for my birthday, and lastly a voucher I got from work for the local day spa for a pamper.

Cleaning has developed pay offs this week that I didn't know were available! If only every week was this exciting. But I know next Saturday my big finds will simply consist of toy parts. Really not the same thing - a manicure just blows that out of the water.

I've asked the Guru if random vouchers could become a weekly bonus, and that I'd be happy to use the housework as a form of scavenger hunt to find the loot. Apparently we aren't Victoria and David Beckham, so it won't be happening. I said it wouldn't happen then anyway because Victoria honestly wouldn't do her own housework. She has servants. The Guru still said no. Sigh.

I can dream...a lot...

Housework, Blogging and Restless Toddlers

Yep, you guessed it - this is going to be a domestic nature post! And I have decided the housework, blogging and restless toddlers don't agree. At all. So housework can go to the dogs for now, the Toddler I can check on every time she cries out and to fill in the gaps I can be on here!

Why is housework so tiresome? Why does it feel like the more effort you put into cleaning, the harder dirt works to mess up the place? Honestly, I'm convinced that if I left the house for a full week it wouldn't look anywhere near as bad as it would the day after a spring clean. Do the dust balls come out of hiding when I go to bed? Do they hide in corners and dark spaces, planning their attack? Do they have an understanding with the cats, for them to shed heavily overnight while the dust balls develop into tumbling tumbleweeds which would look completely appropriate on any Country and Western film set? Is it only my home that has this terrible ability to make housework seem pointless!?

It's just too hard some days. And as a result I've already decided EXACTLY what I want/need for Xmas. I WANT A ROOMBA ROBOT VACUUM! I want to be able to switch it on, walk out the door and know that the dust balls are being hunted down and sucked up. I can't think of anything more fabulous - or more ME. And good health and long life to the brilliant person/ people who invented this brilliant machine. I doff my cap to you!

And speaking of caps - can I please order a cap on the level of illness this week? Seriously, the Toddler know's I'm currently at my weakest and is taking advantage! The tantrums are at an all time high, and I know it's because she thinks she can get away with it simply by yelling over the top of my voice. Not difficult at the moment, that's for sure.

I think the Toddler is getting advice from the dust balls on how to strike when my guard is down. But I think even without their assistance she'd hit the mark. Children have that uncanny sixth sense (unrelated to ghosts) that means they know when they can make the most of a situation - and if you're sick and weak, they can sense your determination waning and simply wear down your resolve until you cave. Until you're literally begging them to get that toy off the shelf, anything to make the tantrum stop because you're simply too exhausted and mentally crippled to do anything else.

As a result the Toddler has gained a new soft toy...and has had her grandparents wrapped around her finger more then usual. Resulting in many, many lollies, a stomach ache and the restless nights sleep.

I think more nights need to be spent with the grandparent - especially following lolly indulgence days.