Sometimes I need a filter between my brain and my mouth.
This is not the way to get one.

Wednesday, 29 February 2012

The Distressing World of 'Girly Items'...

**Warning: Men may prefer to poke their eyes out with a fork than read this...**

Did you know that until 1990, sausages were still legal tender in East Germany? And that the human thigh bone is as strong as concrete?

Did you know that other pointless information, such as the pearls of wisdom above, can be found on the back of your Libra pad?

Kerri Sackville raised this subject the other night, and pointed out that it seems strange. I agree. Personally, the last thing I'm worried about when I am irrationally pissed off and hormonal is that the East Germans were flapping sausage meat around town so they could buy more sausage.

What value is this information to me? Or to anyone? Unless universities are going to start offering a degree in "Libra Science", in which case it's probably a course that's more appropriate for girls. Guys could give it a go, I suppose, with an increase in shoplifting of Libra pads by men who can't face the check-out chick. Who already has her Libra Degree.

After checking out my tampons Facebook Page (yep - our pads, tampons and liners have their own Facebook Page. I'm just glad they've avoided Twitter.), I have found that Libra's mission is "To entertain and inform Libra pad users with interesting and sometimes useless information". I'm glad they haven't over-estimated the value of the wisdom they're imparting to generation after generation.

But I think the most frightening thing I found in my research was the anonymous comments left on a blog post regarding this very topic. One person admitted to laying in bed and reading the facts out to her fiance. Ooooh, there's a sexy bed time routine - "Get comfy baby, I want to tell you that it's physically impossible for a pig to look up into the sky..."

Another said she found it made awesome conversation for the toilet cubicle. Seriously!? I'm already phobic about having to use public toilets for the germ factor - now I have to avoid "Libra Fact Discussions" with strangers, too? Fuck that - I'll hold it.

And, finally, my favourite comment...

"Hi! I personally do not see what is wrong with haveing (sic) facts on them. When i am sitting on the toilet, unwrapping my pads, i can get rather bored. When discovering pads with facts (true or not) on them, i found it less boring, and looked forward to opening the next one..."

Really? How long is it taking you to unwrap one of those suckers!? I generally find I don't have time to think "I'm bored - oh wait, my pad has some awesome new goss to keep me entertained until I can find my way out of the toilet!". 

Besides, a magazine has glossy pictures.

As for looking forward to opening the next one - well, that's a comment only appropriate for birthday and Christmas gifts. You're already spending far too long hanging out in the toilet, there's no need to be excited about it, too.

Did I mention magazines have pictures? And advertisements for other pads. Have you seen the ones that have designs on them?

Image from here.
Obviously, Libra will be releasing pads with 'join-the-dots' for those of us who get bored in the toilet.




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