Sometimes I need a filter between my brain and my mouth.
This is not the way to get one.

Tuesday, 2 July 2013

The Acidic Observer - The Territory Day Edition

It's been pointed out to me on several occasions that I appear to love bagging the shit out of the NT.

It's true - I do. But to be honest, it's not like I'm creating things out of thin air. All the things that boggle my mind are there through sanction of Government or the pure stupidity of some of the people that live here.

Between the irritating lack of competition in various areas which means we pay a premium for things like housing, to the outrageous cost of living because every provider loves to use the excuse of 'shipping' so they can add an extra 25%.

Last time I checked, the NT was still a part of Australia - we are not floating in the middle of the ocean, we are not only accessible by one man canoe and we have roads for trucks so you don't need to load up mountain goats and pack mules.

The greed of the minority shits me to tears and those that have the monopoly will never let it go.


I know there are dickheads everywhere, the NT isn't special in that regard - but I think because Darwin has such a small population compared to other capital cities, it's more obvious. And because the NT has always had a culture of 'come here and do what you like', it attracts all the tourists that should really be in jail.

The NT also has a knack for harbouring criminals. But it's that talent that means my Dad will never be unemployed.

To clarify - 99% of the people that live in the NT are lovely, respectful, normal people. It's the 1% that seem to take it too far and just make things harder. And the dickheads stand out like a sore thumb.

Yesterday was July 1st - and here in the NT that's Territory Day. Historically, this is the day in 1978 when the NT commenced self government. But I question exactly how many people actually know that, or understand why they live in a place where fireworks and ridiculous speed limits are the norm.

Territory Day has become an excuse for people to spend a shit load of cash on fireworks and go home to inadvertently amputate their own extremities, give themselves massive burns, or do the same for a friend.

Only a true friend would get blind drunk and light a firework in your butt crack. It's a documented fact.

I don't have any objection to the fireworks themselves - but I object to fuckwits being able to buy them. I also object to the dickheads who continue to set the fireworks off before and after the event. At 3am. On a Wednesday.

There is a lot of talk about whether 'cracker night' should be banned, and there's a part of me that screams 'YEEEEEEEEEES!!' and a part of me that sits back and says 'meh, whatever'.

When I first moved here, and the horrifying realisation that I had been relocated to a capital city with no major department stores wore off, cracker night was a massively redeeming feature for the NT. It was a consolation prize of sorts - you can't go shopping here, but you can have your own fireworks spectacular once a year.


But I didn't count on all the yahoo's in the world descending on Darwin in a coordinated effort to blow the fucking city to the moon.

I also didn't count on their trials beginning a week before the event, and further trials continuing on until Christmas. Because that's awesome.


I don't care how free spirited or 'true blue Territorian' you are - being wrenched from your sleep by random explosions in the middle of the night isn't cool. Especially if you own pets.

One of our cats is already so high strung that a leaf blowing in the wind 500km's away will startle him. A firework explosion requires valium. Repeated firework explosions - well, not even valium can make that okay - I just have to accept that I will be wearing a cat-turban for the foreseeable future, secured by claws embedded in my eyelids and scalp.

Am I some out of town harpy, whining on about a tradition that is integral to the NT identity? Probably.

Am I the only one whining on about the dickhead factor? Hell No! In fact, one person has suggested that going outside on 1 July is just plain stupid.

This year, however, I think the NT News said it best...
"NOTHING says self government like allowing the public to set off Chinese-made fireworks in confined spacesThose proud patriots were at it again, lighters in one hand, a beer in the other, celebrating Territory Day last night with the danger that freedom allows."
Danger. Freedom. We can't have one without the other. I just hope the consequences are worth it.

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