Sometimes I need a filter between my brain and my mouth.
This is not the way to get one.

Wednesday, 4 July 2012

The Ageing Process...

For some reason, I have started ageing at an accelerated rate.

How have I come to this conclusion? Well, it's very simple really...

Kel's List of Top 10 Reasons to Break Out the Adult Nappies...

  1. I've suddenly started listening to the 'old people' radio station. I used to listen to the Hot 100 station. Nope, these days I'm listening to 104.9 and re-living my childhood as the offspring of parents and their friends who loved David Bowie, Aerosmith, Alannah Myles, the B-52s, The Bangles, Belinda Carlisle, Blondie, Dire Straits, Fleetwood Mac, Queen, Black Sorrows, INXS, John Lennon, Choir Boys, Cold Chisel and KISS (to name a few artists of the never ending play list that is my childhood). We're talking the 70's and 80's people and it made no difference that I was born in 1984 - they had the music they liked and played it until the vinyl shredded.
  2. I'm in bed by 8:30pm. I haven't done that since I was 10, and that was only because I was made to. It could be pregnancy, but it could also be an indication of my rapid decline into 'old person's land'.
  3. I have no tolerance of young people. With their short-shorts that have the pockets sticking out the legs, to the bizzare skirts that are short at the front and long at the back. From the loud 'doof-doof' music they play in their cars, to the land-speed-record-breaking pace they maintain on the road. It all annoys me. And it makes me want to send my 3 year old to a convent.
  4. My pelvic floor isn't as 'chipper' as it used to be. This makes me sad, and makes me pay more attention to the Depends advertisements I see. Yes, I'm on to baby #2, but I've always done my kegels! Clearly it's age related.
  5. I have several, inexplicable, aches and pains in my back, my legs and my pelvis. It's obviously time I made friends with someone named 'Mavis' and started calling her every day to check that a) we're both still alive and b) that we still have all our aches and pains, and that mine can out-pain hers any day of the week.
  6. We don't have enough money to retire on. I have a sneaking suspicion this will be the case if I retired now or in 1,000 years. Thanks Julia!
  7. I'm afraid to die. Obviously the result of the Grim Reaper stalking me, waiting for the moment to strike. Sadistic bastard.
  8. I've noticed I begin sentences with 'When I was Young...' when trying to reason with our 3 year old. Even she looks at me like I've lost my marbles.
  9. My memory is gone. I'm still writing things on this whatsit machine and I can't even remember...who...where...chicken?
  10. ...did I mention my memory's gone?
It's a terrible reality, but one we all have to face. True, I didn't think that 28 would be the beginning of my autumn years, but I guess some of us are destined to be old sooner rather than later.

Wait...does that mean I can get a mobility scooter!? SWEET!

If you're looking for me, I'll be the crazy old lady the teenagers speak of in hushed tones and run away from when they see me roaring down the footpath in my pimped scooter.


 
I'd also like to wish The Man a very Happy 28th Birthday today. He's the same age as me now, so for the next 6 months he can't call me an old fart without referring to himself!!

Straight to Your Inbox, Baby

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