Sometimes I need a filter between my brain and my mouth.
This is not the way to get one.

Tuesday, 14 May 2013

The Acidic Observer, Volume IV

Reality television - it's endless fodder for acidic review.

And I'd like to focus on 'Embarrassing Bodies'.

The entire concept baffles me. If you had a terrible case of haemorrhoids, would you go on national television to have it assessed by a GP? Would you feel less embarrassed about your condition, knowing that people sitting down to dinner would be serenaded by your bum cheeks being unceremoniously spread?

And that in itself brings up some serious questions regarding scheduling. I don't know what kind of iron-stomached sadist is choosing when it should go to air, but holy crap batman, you need to rethink that one.

If you're too embarrassed to go to your regular GP - a closed environment, no cameras, total confidentiality - what the hell would possess you to jump into the back of a truck and have a doctor prod your privates while a cameraman hopes his wide angle lens can capture the 'moment'!?

And let's hope you jump into the back of the right truck, for starters. You'll give the Postman a fucking coronary if you sit down and start launching into a conversation that contains words like 'discharge'.

Trust me, your regular GP doesn't bat an eyelid at conversations like that. More importantly, if you haven't had a chance to wax in months and you need a pap smear in the depths of winter, your regular GP will be the only one to witness that. Most importantly, you don't have to apply foundation to every part of your body that a camera might need a close up and apply lipstick to all your lips - including your vag.

And they draw a curtain while you get dressed so they don't go home and giggle about you tripping over your knickers.

Now, don't lie - we've all had that moment where our toes haven't gone through the leg hole, resulting in a less than dignified nose dive into the floor. But there's no one there and you can pretend it never happened.

If you go head first into an examination table because your stiletto got caught on the edge of your lacy g-string, on television, the whole world will be laughing.

But just when I thought I had seen it all - every a-symmetric breast, every bent penis in the UK - and there was no where else for them to go, they come out with 'Embarrassing Bodies: Kids'.

What the actual fuck?

Are we seriously going to start parading our kids and their issues in front of television cameras? Well, yes, we are.

"Oh darling, I know you have an issue with going to the toilet, but we're going to see a lovely doctor in the back of a truck and the entire world is going to be able to share your 'learning to poo' journey. Won't that be fun!?"

And people claim bloggers are oversharers! Are you serious!? Yeah, I may write about applying lipstick to vaginal lips but I'm not attaching a 'how to' video!!

Regardless of my opinion, it's clear reality television has a strong following. Whether this is a good or bad thing remains to be seen, but what I do know is the next reality program needs to be 'Psychiatric Roadshow'.

There are a lot of Big Brother viewers out there who need to get their heads read.


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