Sometimes I need a filter between my brain and my mouth.
This is not the way to get one.

Monday, 19 July 2010

Dear Nature, Please Stay Outside, K, Thnx, Bye

So nature decided it was just TOO nature-y outside and felt the need to come inside the house today.

Seriously. Apparently being outdoors was just too much. So it was agreed that our house would be invaded.

Was the pest kill man who came around 3 months ago too subtle? What part of 'I am hiring someone to spray death around our home so you don't come inside' was difficult to understand?

I clearly am not the outdoors type. And although I don't have any objections to animals, bugs and creepy crawlies having a blast outside, I DO object to them being inside.

And I have an even BIGGER objection to spiders being inside.

So when I finished my shower and walked into our bedroom to find that a huntsman had made itself comfy on my pillow - well, it was quite obvious that we all needed to sit down and have a looooong chat about boundaries.

And I had that chat in my head - on my way to work in the car - after I flushed old hunty down the loo.

At the end of the day he was leaving my home, and if that meant being awept away into the septic tank, then so be it.

Yes, my fear may be slightly irrational, and I know they're just as scared of me as I am them. But when I have one fluffing pillows on my bed asking if I mind keeping the noise down as they're trying to nap, I'm sorry, my reaction is going to be one where I win and the spider looses. Spectacularly.

So my simple request is for nature to stay outside, and I'll stay inside as much as possible. Yes, my roads may create havoc with their space and my house is probably built on some sacred spider burial site. But tough - you don't see me trying to fit my butt in your web, so keep your hairy legs off my pillow.

Straight to Your Inbox, Baby

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