Yesterday...

So I'm sitting in my office at the moment with a sick toddler asleep in my lap. Waiting for her sick Daddy to come and fetch her, because she has a high temp and day care called me to come and pick her up.

Today was day 1 of official Toddler Room day care. Not Nursery Room, not baby...Toddler.

I sat in the car and cried for 10 minutes after I dropped her off. And then once I was calm enough to drive, I made it to work and then proceeded to call the Guru and cry down the phone to him. For another 10 minutes.

I then finished that and decided that while I was feeling miserable I should call and make an appointment with my GP to have my pap smear done. Why wait for another day to make that call and have something else as equally unpleasant as having your only child grow up, to look forward to.

I know - I had a sook about this a while ago. But I'm sooking again. Why? Because it's my blog and you can just sit there and read it dammitt, I have to sook about it because now I've stopped myself from shopping the pain away and I know that all of you out there don't mind if I have a 'moment'.

And now the moment is over. Because I had to go and get her - and toddler or not, when she saw me in the doorway at day care she ran to me and snuffled into my neck and said 'Mummy, warm, earring hurt'. Of course she means 'Mummy, I feel hot and yukky and my ear hurts', but I'm her Mummy and I know exactly what she means. As did everyone at day care - hence why they called me.

And so we sat for a moment, cuddled together while everyone else around us got ready for nap time. Then we headed off to the GP, got checked out, got a sick certificate and headed back here to wait for the Guru.

And that brings me here. Sitting, typing, staring at my cold cup of coffee and wondering what I'll be going home to. Hopefully just 2 sleeping bodies in a king size bed. And maybe they'll keep sleeping and I could have dinner...on my own...eating at my own pace...calmly...and not needing to have 2 heartburn tablets afterwards because I've inhaled my food rather than chew it.

It's a possibility - no matter how slim.

But the entire toddler thing has got me to thinking. I know, a dangerous thing to be doing when you're me. Regardless, the old brain is ticking over...and for once the wheel's turning, but the Hamster's not dead - it's pounding the pavement (wheel) and working hard to get things moving.

So my thought is: while I'm having my pap (well, once that's over actually, I don't think I'll worry about having a conversation while someone is digging around 'down there') I'll be having a chat to my GP about this whole 'giving it a damn good go and still no baby' issue. Because I think it's time. 9 months is a long time. For us.

And I long for our last bub...the final link in our family chain.