Sometimes I need a filter between my brain and my mouth.
This is not the way to get one.

Monday, 28 February 2011

Dear Darwin

Dear Darwin,

Hey - how are you? Sorry it's been a while since we've caught up properly, but I've been swamped with blogging work.

So what's happening? It's all go for us at the moment with life in general, and I've decided that 2011 is going to be the year I add one more thing to my plate.

I want to study. I've been putting off my nursing since 2008 - remember that? Remember when I was putting the finishing touches on my final assignment for anatomy and counting down the last 20 days to my wedding?

Remember how excited I was to be working towards my career at last, since year 12 sucked the life out of me? Do you?

Well, apparently you don't remember well enough because now you've stopped offering my course. Just like that. Nope, sorry, not doing that anymore.

Considering you have only ONE university, that's pretty poor. I came to you from Adelaide...Adelaide has THREE universities. But none of them offer my course via distance learning (jerks).

You're doing this on purpose, aren't you? Is it because we cut down all those trees on the weekend? To be fair, most of those had come down in the cyclone - so you need to speak to the low pressure system, not me. But what can I say - my Dad had a chainsaw and I had a vision. And we will now have a kick-arse lawn area for the Toddler and her swing set.

I mean, we put up with your disgusting house prices, the revolting cost of living and the complete lack of decent shopping opportunities - and for what!?

Admittedly, I might be additionally dis-enchanted with you today because the builder got back to us with some seriously awesome and dreamy diagrams of our renovations. But then I came crashing down to earth when I saw the price tag (because I always, conveniently forget that these things have to be paid for).

And I am blaming it all on you Darwin.

Because you are expensive, inconvenient, hot, humid, damp, palm-tree-frond-dropping-ly annoying and full of people who drive 20km's an hour under the speed limit in front of me on a one lane road.

I've developed a new road rule for the NT. I came up with it this morning as I was driving to work, stuck behind the slowest person on earth. Part of the standard driving test will now require you to do a race track lap against The Stig. If you can't get your car to do 0-100km/hr in under 4 seconds and complete your lap (approximately 2.83 km, or 1.76 miles) in under 1min 40sec then your car gets crushed and you have to catch the bus.

So not only have you made me want to run everyone off the road and possibly get myself arrested (only if they catch me!), you've also tried to take away my future and crush my dreams of having a house of bliss.

Is it not bad enough that when I looked in the mirror yesterday morning I found crows feet!? I'm only 27, and yet I'm starting to look like The Emperor.

This is me first thing in the morning, before coffee. Credit
 Thanks for that.

I am now desperately trying to catch that advert on telly about the snake venom cream which will paralyze my face and reverse the ageing process.

This is preferable to popping down to Hair Dude and getting some Botox with a cut and colour. I wish I was joking.

But no - you keep up with the rain so the satellite Austar link dies off and I miss my opportunity to order snake spit in a jar.

It's not fair and I want it all to change. Today. Okay?

So anyway, it was great to catch up and I'll be sure to keep an eye on your progress with the changes we've discussed above.

Hope you had a fab weekend, and say hi to Bali for me.

Love Me

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