Sometimes I need a filter between my brain and my mouth.
This is not the way to get one.

Monday, 23 May 2011

Getting back on the horse...

And if the Guru has anything to do with it, the horse will actually be a Great Dane!

Yes, in light of our experience last week, the Guru has decided that a dog is in order, and a Great Dane will do the job.

For me, since the shock has worn off and acceptance of the situation has seeped in, I'm not so keen on the dog idea. I mean, I understand the value of a big dog, but what bothers me is:
  1. Having a dog. Dogs scare me and make me nervous. I'm always afraid they'll bite.
  2. Dogs have to poop. So do our cats - but they at least bury it and I don't have to see or smell it.
  3. Dogs can smell bad. Well, all the ones I know of, do. And I don't want a dog scented house or yard.
  4. Dogs can be destructive. Our yard might not be on the cover of Better Homes and Gardens, but it's in one piece and the lawn is all green.
  5. A Great Dane is likely to outgrow me by the time it's 6 weeks old. Did I mention I'm scared of dogs?
  6. Pets in general can be expensive - and we already have 2 high maintenance drama queens cats and I'm not sure I could cope with another pet. Especially when I got shot down over getting the Toddler a gold fish. And yet the Guru thinks I could cope with a small elephant masquerading as a dog in our lives!?
Thankfully the people who had Great Dane pups for sale no longer had them. So the Guru thinks we'll just get one from a breeder interstate.

When hell freezes over! Being separated from it's family would be traumatic enough - then we'd get the poor thing shoved on a plane in a cold box and shipped to us like a couch?

Sorry - it all seems needlessly cruel and sad.  I would rather the puppy stay with his or her Mum and play happy families.

I'm right into happy families and everything being rosy and loving and happy. Right now, I can't cope with the thought of anything sad or awful. Call it self preservation, but my coping mechanism for negative experiences has shut down for repairs, so only happy things can happen for a while.

If there's anything sad or bad happening, it'll have to take a number and get in line. I'm not available.

But this is in stark contrast to the activities that will fill the next few days. Going into jeweller's and asking them to quote replacement value on all the stolen jewellery. Shopping for new underwear (because, I'm sorry, I'm not wearing anything I know those assholes touched, especially my knickers! Perverts.) and scanning every second hand shop window for items that might be ours.

I hate that. I hate looking at a certain type of vehicle and feeling suspicious and angry. Just because that's the type of vehicle they supposedly used to get away.

I hate looking on eBay, wondering if I might see our stuff for sale. Same goes for second hand stores.

I hate watching out the front windows all the time, looking for anything or anyone suspicious. Having to change our routine in case they strike again - coming back for the few items that were too big and heavy to get away with the first time.

And I especially hate going into a drawer or in a room looking for something only to find we have to add it to the list of items they've swiped.

I feel somewhat rediculous and stupid for feeling so...violated. When I think of all the things that could have happened. When I think of all the things that like can throw at us. When I think of people like Lori, Kristen, Melissa and Erin and the life changing events and challenges that have been thrown at them - well, I feel very stupid and ungrateful for the life I do have and for being so blindsided by this one event.

This one event that seems so insignificant in comparison.

I know it's something that I have to file away in my mind and move on from. Dwelling won't change anything and trying to avoid parts of life so I don't have to encounter anything negative is not the way to live.

And it would be letting them win. And if I let them change me as a person, that mean's I let them take more than just material items.

I won't let that happen. In time, I will move on and find peace with the situation as best I can. I know that.

But for now - I just need to step back and go through the motions. Until it's all over and dealt with.

So for the time being, I am going to focus on our little girl's laugh, her big smile, and our family cuddles on the couch while we watch Shrek 2 for the eight zillionth time. Because at night, when my mind is racing and every noise is a potential burglar, it's those little things that make my mind still and I can sleep. With a smile.

1 comment :

  1. Oh sweetheart! My problems are the petty ones xox I have been thinking about you all week, I can't imagine the heartache of discovering more and more things have been taken.
    Don't let them take your spirit, it is such an amazing one and it certainly lights up my world. Enjoy the little things, especially cuddles on the couch while watching Shrek 2 (lol that was DH and my first date!)
    If there is anything I can do, please let me know. xox

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for the comment - it helps validate the fact that I'm not just talking to myself.

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