Sometimes I need a filter between my brain and my mouth.
This is not the way to get one.

Tuesday, 25 June 2013

The Acidic Observer, Volume VIII

Tuesday just seems to roll around so fast, don't you think?

Maybe because the world seems to be so considerate lately, and has been pulling out the dumb-arses faster than I can register them.

Let's address the most obvious issue to begin, shall we?

If you've been living under a rock in the Himalayas, then you may have missed the fact that Kim Kardashian realised her baby was due around the same time as the royal baby, and decided that moment she needed a C-section to cash in effectively.

So last week, she had a baby girl. And probably a tummy tuck.

And last week, she named her baby 'North West'. There's no word on the name she's given to her tummy tuck.

And last week, we found out they call little North, 'Nori' for short.

Because it's not enough to give her a ridiculous legal name, but they have to give her a nickname that implies she will be wrapped around some rice and salmon, and served with chopsticks.

Why not cut out the middle man and name her 'California Roll'?

However, this week, Kimye is in fine company. I'm unsure of the amount of national coverage this story has received, but we all know Darwin can be a bit of a hub for - to put it kindly - the intelligence-challenged members of the world. Or fuckwit tourists, if you prefer.

I'm not sure why they all come here, and the ones who manage to get a drivers license are the ones who I think should be deported immediately. Except for the interstate visitors who come here with their fucking caravans and Winnebago's.

They should be banned from leaving their own driveways.

Recently one tourist from the UK, 28 year old Alex Neale, took 'dickhead tourist' to a whole new low and was busted riding around on the roof of a Coles delivery truck.

Image courtesy of the NT News website

When the driver pulled over and Alex dismounted, he had the nerve to ask the driver if he could take him home, before just strolling off.

Alex, the cost of a bus ticket in Darwin has gone up by a whole dollar. But I'm sure if you had called your Mummy, she would have sent you the extra dollar. Shit, she might even have sent you enough to cover a return trip!

We can only hope the return ticket would be from Darwin to London.

But just in case he doesn't go home, I think we should all encourage Alex to participate in the fashionable activity of standing on croc traps. I think he would be a natural.

Ah, crocodiles - culling the gene pool since the beginning of time.

And while we're looking at dickheads in the Territory - let's have a quick look at our Chief Minister, shall we?

I'm sure there are plenty of ways to eloquently tell the opposition to butt out. But why bother with such nonsense when "get out of the way, piss off" says it all!

Adam Giles is one step closer to greeting the Queen with 'would you like a shower, shit and a shave before we crack a tinny over breakfast?'

People say the NT is a bit rough - but I just don't see it.

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