Sometimes I need a filter between my brain and my mouth.
This is not the way to get one.

Tuesday, 27 September 2011

When Trust Fails...

"Nanna, the other kids at daycare hit me, I say stop and they keep hitting me. So I scream at them."

"Do you tell 'R' that the kids are hitting you?"

"No, 'R' puts me on the naughty spot for screaming

"Do you tell anyone?"

"Yes, I tell 'S' and she says it will all be okay"

This is the random conversation our daughter had with her Nanna yesterday, at the park.

Today, I'm angry. Last night I spent a lot of time in tears because I've failed our little girl.

How do you react when your child says that the other children at daycare hit her. And they keep hitting her. And when she finally gets upset her primary carer punishes her.

Well carer - fuck you.

It explains a lot. It explains why in the last 2 weeks the Toddler has, again, been hysterical when I drop her off. She avoids this 'carer' like the plague - won't speak to her, and looks at the floor when this carer approaches us.

She holds on to me so tight it's like a vice.

I've called the centre where the Toddler's best friend attends and they don't have a place available until January 2012. I explained the situation and they said they would look at taking the Toddler on as they're not at full capacity but had stopped taking children while they were upgrading the centre.

I appreciate their honesty and their help - I can only hope it all works out.

But until then - what do we do?

The guilt that I did nothing about this sooner makes me feel physically sick. I am so angry with myself for failing our little girl, I am so angry at this stupid 'carer' because she's a complete idiot and is treating our daughter with no respect.

I have no reason to doubt the Toddler. She's not quite 3. She doesn't know what a lie is - she wouldn't know how to make this stuff up. Her behaviour confirms her words.

The bruises I thought were the result of stumbles associated with energetic play I now doubt, and I wonder if they are from the hitting.

It breaks my heart. And I feel even worse for going interstate for work this week - I feel like I'm abandoning her at a critical time and there's fuck all I can do about it.

We will be having a meeting with the Centre Director tomorrow. We had a brilliant Centre Director who left to work closer to home. Her replacement quit before she even started. This new woman started at an unknown time and hasn't even introduced herself to parents.

The only reason I know she exists? Her name and title were at the bottom of a new set of orders, printed on the first page of our increasingly shitty newsletter, regarding having your child turfed out of the centre if you haven't paid your fee's 2 weeks in advance.

Obviously, she and I will be best friends.

I will do my best to remain calm and not loose my temper. But I can't promise anything. All I can promise is that if people ask me about day care centres in Darwin, I will be advising to run screaming in the opposite direction from this one.

Although if you get caught screaming, they will punish you.

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