Sometimes I need a filter between my brain and my mouth.
This is not the way to get one.

Friday, 7 September 2012

FFS!? Friday: The Out-Law Edition...

It's been a restless night, people. Pregnancy aside, my anxiety was at an all time high after Miss 3 was on the receiving end of a hammer.

Now, to clarify - she's okay. A bit bruised and she has an impressive but superficial laceration behind one ear, but she is perky, eating, drinking and being her normal self. No concussion, no loss of consciousness, no loss of balance, pupils equal and reactive and normal reactions to stimulus.

It's times like this I'm glad my Mum is a nurse.

The Man is suffering a case of the guilts for leaving the hammer on the ladder, rather than putting it away. I'm suffering a case of the guilts for not having been in front of Miss 3 when we went into the baby's room - if I had, I would have got the light on faster, she wouldn't have bumped into the ladder and the hammer wouldn't have fallen on her.

Another score for parental guilt...just in case my MIL hadn't totally destroyed what was left of my self esteem.

It feels like this millennium century decade year week the MIL has really pulled out all the stops to be at the top of my shit list, yet again. If it was an Olympic sport, the committee would just express post the gold medal to her every 4 years so no one had to bother leaving home.

Our week was great until Wednesday morning. The MIL works at the hospital where my OB is, and I took Miss 3 to see MIL as a surprise after my appointment. This is an important lesson for everyone on how 'doing the right thing' will come and bite you in the arse...

  • MIL decided it was important to let me know that she'd been discussing my fracture with her 'friends' and that clearly my lack of nutrition and weight are the reason I hurt myself...FFS
  • Apparently my OB is a waste of money if she's not even bothering to do a check on my calcium levels (she has), and what is my OB doing about my appearance?...FFS
MIL then decided it was time to have a chat about the renovations we're doing in the house...
  • She informed me that she an FIL are aware that "I'm getting myself all worked up over getting the house finished" and she thinks this is worthy of an eye-roll. And then she showed me how awesome the whites of her eyes are...FFS
  • But she then made the concession that "I suppose it's understandable not to want construction happening when you bring the baby home". Gee, glad you said that MIL, I couldn't possibly think about having feelings without your permission...FFS
  • MIL proceeded to have a dig at The Man. Why am I worried about getting things done in the next 8 weeks when I know The Man always finishes things off at the last minute?...FFS
  • Your underwhelming faith in your son is awesome...FFS
The topic shifted to the fact that I'm on maternity leave. This is the point where I should have grabbed Miss 3 and run away...
  • I was asked what I do all day. I dutifully listed off all the things Miss 3 and I have been up to. The official response was "so you don't do much of anything, then?"...FFS
  • It was then suggested that if I had kept working then maybe I would have less time to be dramatic over the progress of the renovations...FFS
After all these pearls of wisdom were bestowed upon me, her attention then turned to their new car, some snide remarks about my SIL (The Man's brothers' wife), further wonderment over their new car, the fact that they were buying a new car and finally, in case I wasn't aware, the awesome news that they're buying a new car and I should look it up so I can drool over it.

Yeah - I'll be sure to do that. 

Snort.

Overall it was the surprise visit from hell - which completely fell in on itself and spontaneously combusted when a promise was made that they would 'pop over on the weekend'. 

It's been decided that from Saturday morning our entire weekend will be spent with the blinds down, lights off, scuttling around the house on all fours using sign language to communicate.

Either that or we're moving house entirely. I'll let you know how it goes.





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